Help me find a way to cheer up my mum.

[Elf1981]

Hi all.

My mum had a fall in Feb, dislocated and broke her elbow. The hospital didn't treat the problem correctly and she was left with 55% reduced mobility. She's been very depressed about it for the last couple of months, unable to move her arm properly, been in constant pain etc. The only resolution is for her to have an op on her arm where they'll leave the wound open for five days and fix the problem. Naturally she's frightened (not a nice thought being in hospital with open wounds at the best of time!)

She's finally got her operation date through for the 4th October. The major problem now is that it clashes with my section date which I was given yesterday. Despite begging, pleading and crying to my hospital yesterday, they were unable to fit my section in before the 6th October, so for the first five days minimum of my babies life, my mum will not be able to see them. (We're in different hospitals, she's got to stay in at least six days, I've got to stop in at least five).

This is my mum's first grandchild. She's feeling very upset at the moment. I think that there are also some insensitive members of our family that will always refer to this in a gleeful "I got to hold your grandchild before you did" kind of way (mostly my aunt).

My DH & oldest sister are going to be with me during the section, DH is going to take loads of pics of baby when they arrive, also going to do some filming on a camera we have (not of the birth though!) to take to my mum. I really want to cheer my mum up but cannot think of a good way to do it. Anybody got any ideas? Also anybody have any ideas what I can do to make her feel better while she's in hospital?

How awful for you and your Mum.

I dont know what to say really as nothing will make it better for her.

I suppose it is only a few days and she can make it up once she is out of hospital. Maybe the hosp will fit u in nearer the time?

Hope it all goes well.

Thanks.
My DH has suggested that when I go in for the post op appointment on Tuesday I ask whether there are any people who had been scheduled in before the 6th who have since given birth.
The second consultant initially refused to do the section before the 5th as on the 5th I'm 39 weeks pregnant and they said they don't like to do them before that date. Eventually he relented and accepted the 3rd but that day was fully booked. Typical!

Your poor Mum .

I think making sure she has a good stream of supportive visitors would be good. Do you have siblings? What other family and friends? Can you devise a plan of action between you?

Who did you speak to about changing your section date? Sometimes going over a few heads to the people further up the chain of command can sort it out.

What's going on with your Aunt? Does someone need to have a word in her ear about tact and sensitivity?

Any chance of moving the op date for your Mum (unlikely I know)?

Don't let your aunt hold your baby until your mum has.

Other than that, push as hard as you can for a new date - good luck!

My sister did suggest that my DH says its restricted visitors, or to say that we'll have a baby unveiling party when I leave hospital.
I've got two sisters, plus theres my dad so mum will have lots of visiotrs (she's got five brothers and sisters herself so hopefully they'll visit her lots as well).

My aunt has always been tactless, often comes out with comments like "oh, that's a nice skirt for sitting around the house in" when my mum gets a new skirt or something. Things like that, plus when rooms have been decorated, saying things like "oh, it's nice, but I wouldn't have done it like this..." I don't think she realises she does it. I try to stay as out of it as possible, I love my mum and I get on with my aunt. But I'm just trying to lessen my mums frustration.

Mum suggested she cancells her op, but I don't want her to do that, she's in agony at the moment with the way her arm set.

As for the consultants - the first one I saw was quite happy for the date to be before the 5th, the second consultant wasn't too pleased but eventually relented. But then it turned out that the only dates free were "too early" according to him and made me feel guilty that I wanted a section. Its not as if I planned a section through the pregnancy - it's a breech birth, my first child, and they're estimating that the baby is already about 8 - 9 lbs so I've been frightened of the idea of having the baby naturally (and even then, a section scares the life out of me!!)

Good idea about the baby "unveiling" when you are out of hospital, plus it's impt to use the time in hospital to rest following a c section, so that's a good way to restrict your visitors.

What about doing the first set of hands and footprints of the baby to be given to your Mum in hospital, along with pics?

As Hunker says, keep the pressure on about changing the date of your section too - can you get the Head of Midwifery on your side to help with changing the date of your cs? When I had ds2, mine was brilliant and went to see the consultants on my behalf to sort out issues that they would not budge on.

Hi Elf

baby unveiling great idea. In the meantime how about a message from baby to Grandma to make her feel special ?

Don't worry about the C/S - I've had two, first was emergency and second was planned, stayed awake for both. The second one was much better, I think becasue it was planned and as I hadn't been in labour for 3 days ! By the third day I had to ask for paracetamol - for a headache.

Do rest, and no pushing, pulling or lifting - I moved a chair the first time, one of the big hospital ones, made me really sore.

Good luck