husband wont have sex

[mumofprincess]

i am in and out in this situation for a few years.husband and I were living all alone abroad and trying for a baby 8 years(had 4 misscariages,surgeries etc) and all this were too heavy for him to take.half the time each year i was sick and upset under his sole care.so allthough i really wanted sex and allways initiate it ,i felt it was my fault to make him feel like that,especially since i could not "provide" the child he wanted desperately.plus having sex for baby making is not the best thing to do.so i constantly tried to ignore that this was an issue especialy since he never wanted to discuss it.
unfortunately,even though our long waited child arrived he made me feel teribble during pregnancy and now 7 months after he still wont touch me unless i pressure him.
I have a perfect life,the swetest and easiest baby,an excelend job ,managed to return back home.In addition he is the best dad of the world and and unlike our native culture he is a home person-no football,pub or anythink like that.he is my life ,i love him dearly and I really dont want to end this marriage.
However I feel i am wasting my life for something that WILL END eventualy as i feel he doesn love me.I was 25 when this started wasting my best years in a sexless marriage.I want him and I am always available.I asked him if he wants divorce and he said he never thought of this.
Any ideas?

Hi I go through periods of not wanting sex due to being raped when I was younger and I viewed sex as traumatic (I dont do this anymore) but it sounds like your partner is afraid of sex and finds it traumatic because of how much pain it has caused him.

What me and my partner do if we feel like this is we start again. We have two weeks of no sexual touching allowed only hugs and kisses, then if after that I feel ready to go on to the next stage we do we then have two weeks of alowwing touching but no sex. Then if I am ready we start having sex again we usually try to introduce things that I find arousing at this stage (e.g I like to dress up as it makes me feel like someone else sorry if TMI ) could you give that a try.

Sorry you have had such a hard time .

hi thats an interesting thought about being afraid...I sort of believe he is going through depression:he seems unmotivated for many things like go out or see people.I am sometimes thinking he has an affair but i know thats not possible as we are together around the clock(work in the same company,go out together etc).as I said this is going on for years and I am so FRUSTRATED! :( I am so happy that there was an end to my health problems,our finatial strugles stoped since i found the ideal job and our baby is such an angel she never caused us the ordinary problems of a newborn arrival.
sometimes I get so mad because i cant figure out whats wrong with him!
ps:i was a victim of sexual harassment in childhood so I totaly sympathise with you.have you got some counceling?

I had some when I was 15 but I undergoing therapy for bipolar so I get counsiling and that also deals with my childhood.

to hear you were a victim of abuse to. You may be right about the depression obviously with bipolar I get episodes of depression and when I am depressed I feel like I have hurt my partner and like he deserves better than me, I am afraid that I will hurt him (which your partner may feel like he hurt you by the misscariages and the TTC and then the rough pg) so I pull away from him it is because I love him so much I do this.

It also triggers my feeling about sex, I think you may be spot on about the depression as what you describe fits with my actions while I am depressed and I suggest getting him to see a gp for some anti depressants and some couples therapy you have both been through so much I think it may help you loads.

hi "CrawlingInMySkin" .Ive been away for a while.I understand what you mean.Ive been in and out of depression all my life.Its something I can generally control and never had counselling-(noone but my husband knows about the abuse I had)but I see what you mean even though it doesnt affect me in that way.
This post was a personal need to see if my thoughts are unreasonable and if other people go through the same.
Iam still in a proccess of examining things and have stoped talking to my husband about it in order to see his response.we'll see..... :(