What makes you interesting (to your DH/DP or male friends)

[cloudedview]

This may sound a bit odd but I feel a bit hollow. I mean I have a some very close friendships with girlfriends - new and old who I see lots of - even more so now since H left about a year ago. I spend lots of time with them and we can talk endlessly about DCs (I have 2 young ones), what a twunt my ex is and how hurt and angry I still am, strictly, corrie, cooking, chatting about who is doing what etc. We laugh (thankfully, finally) drink wine, go for lovely walks and do lots of stuff with the DCs but....

I have no idea what I would talk about if I was to start dating again. I have this idea that I would have to be a whole lot more interesting if I wanted to attract a man - and that somehow they are a different species that would not find any of the 'fluff' that my girlfriends and I talk about interesting...and I guess it's true.

I don't have any really strong opinions on anything , no real passions, interests and no hobbies - am not even sure what music i like as my ex's became the stuff I ended up liking too. I could use having 2 very young children as an excuse for this and the fact that I am by myself so childcare v difficult to come by but actually if you took all of that away I think my problem is that I don't actually know what I would do to 'make' myself interesting. Yes I would take the time to read a paper, go back to my acting class etc but I still feel a bit unsure apart from that.

My ex used to hint at one of the reasons we grew apart was that we didn't have any shared interests - and I didn't really have any so I guess that has fueled my insecurities. From the outside looking in I seem like a good catch - Am pretty, dress fashionably, am told I am very witty, have a good job etc and I don't feel ready to start dating yet anyway but just wondered what the hell I would talk about if it came to a date ? I guess I just never expected to be catapulted back onto the market once we settled down and had a family so I feel very unsure of myself.As i said I have enough on my plate at the moment anyway, am in counselling and do not feel ready to be with anyone anyway but I just want to become a more rounded person i guess.

What do you do/have that makes you interesting- ?

I used to read a newspaper pre dates.

Not so I knew what to say, but just to give me a bit of confidence that I would at least know what they were talking about if they bought up something current.

I agree with everyone else though, you don't need a special interest.

Me and DH don't really have many shared interests at all!

He: Is a computer geek (runs a software company and ALL his friends are involved in the industry in some way), likes music, cooking, science/tech stuff, gadgets, enjoys biking/exercise stuff, is generally an outdoors person

I: Love history (studying for a degree, historical visits to castles/houses, reading biographies, etc), general avid reader, watch TV and film (read film mags), cross stitching, baking

We also actively dislike aspects of each other's interests (he hardly ever reads and hates most TV, I never listen to music and am a real lazy indoors person)

Point being that our differences are often the best bit of our relationship. It can be difficult sometimes but I think we have both widened each other's horizons to a certain extent and provide something novel in each other's lives that we don't get from our friends, who are similar to us. I also hope that our kids will benefit from two parents who can offer totally different things.

I'm certain that you are not as devoid of interest as you think and the key thing is to be confident in yourself and your own value. Any man worth his salt will not begrudge the fact that you don't go hang-gliding on weekends...

Sounds like you need to spend time getting to know yourself again first.

When you've been in a difficult realtionship for a long time you do find that parts of your personality have been subverted and you need to give yourself time to rediscover you.

I agree with all the comments about self-confidence and having an opinion. I am gobby and always up for a debate about the finer points of things that interest me (music, graphic novels, sci-fi - geekery generally) and have found men respond well to this approach. I also swear like a trooper and can drink heavily with style. The various men in my life who have loved me have commented on my ability to have fun as my most attractive feature - so just go out and do what you want to do and the fellas will come knocking.

Stangirl - are you me?!?!

We should go out and get pissed sometime, show the blokes how to have a good laugh without ending peeing in the street or having a punch up with someone!!

Sorry, OP, I agree with everyone else. You sound just fine, you just need a bit more confidence in yourself.

Steam engines - Thomas the Tank Engine (the originals) are a good start & your kids will love 'em.

Much more important to know what would make a guy interesting to you.

Good that you have great friends who merrily joined in the ex-bashing, and better that you are now moving on from this.

It does sound though as if you are still seeing yourself through, not his eyes, but your conception of his eyes. I would give it a bit longer tbh - October is really not very long ago.

Try starting to think positively about things that would make you happy. If you could be anywhere now, where would you be? In bed? In bed with Robert Pattison (sp?) Somewhere hot? What kind of place - a beach, a mountain, a city? What can you hear in that place, and why would that make it great? Not that you have to be there or go there right now, but develop your own knowledge of yourself maybe.

I'm still hanging on for the only man with a passion for cigarettes, who loves the smell of fag ash & likes nothing more than shivering outside the pub

Sorry, flippant reply - it's true, mind you! As everyone's saying, it is more important to know what you're interested in, and the rest will follow. My ex was a music fanatic; after we split up I started listening to different music stations, wrote down the songs I liked, and started my OWN collection. It was fun :)