Anyone ever felt they have fallen out of love with their DH/Partner?

[shortandsweet2]

I was wondering if anyone has felt like they have fallen out of love with their partner?

I have recently felt like this and have just admitted yesterday to him. DH is taking it really well and says will give me all the time I need.

So I was wondering if anyone ever felt like this and how you got the love back or if it ever did come back. Or does it pretty much mean my marriage is over if I have fallen out of love. It's probably the old 'I love him but just not in love with him'.

TIA

It does come back, but you have to work at it. I think the problem is when you see peoples faults etc it is hard to then see them as a sexual person and it becomes a 'friend love' go on some dates and invest time in eachother.

Eek, did you really have to tell him? WHY? What will that achieve? I'd think it'd be really hard for a partner to recover from hearing those words.

TBH , after all the work i've put in (above)DH told me last night he is falling out of love with me..... karma eh :(

It can, and does, come back with a bit of time and effort. As DontDropTheBaby said, dates and effort spending time together is good.

Marriages are long haul, and surely you are prepared to weather this storm for a bit? Do you have children? Are you married long?

Oh No DontDropTheBaby. So sorry to hear that. Was that a bolt from the blue?

thankgs have been hard because our DD is just 4months and I run my own business so I have been working from home, looking after DD and doing the housework.

He works erratic shifts so is someimes home for just hours before going back to work but then may have days and days off work (although he often does overtime) It's been hard because we just haven't seen eachother and over the 4 months have just grown apart, plus he is always tired.

I know he is very sad and I feel very lonely but how can you fix somethin like this? there aren't enough hours in the day with a newborn!

I wonder where people get these unrealistic expectations from. Marriage and new motherhood are hard work and sometimes you just need to hunker down and keep going until things smooth out. Maybe we watch too many romcoms. Romance has it's place of course, but running business's and raising babies are more important at times and mature adults should be able to put the Lurve boat expectations on a back burner for a bit rather than bailing out.

I blame those 'Because I'm worth it' bloody L'Oreal ads.

I'd agree with perfumedlife - a long haul relationship will go through phases and some people's phases might involve falling out of love. But I'm sure many, many long term relationships come back round and the love bit happens again.

I think it is a good thing shortandsweet2 that you admitted this to DH. The more honesty the better. If he knows, as he does now, it might explain why you have been acting differently (if you have!), why you have been staring into space, switched off, gone off sex, whatever it might be, so maybe even he's reasssured that there is a good reason for the change in you. Now it's out in the open, I would keep talking.

Try remembering why you fell in love all those years ago. What do you really like about your DH? What bits of him do you respect and admire? Try thinking of things you used to do together that you really enjoyed. Can you return to any of those things, or an updated version that takes into account your constraints now?

My relationship has been through a year or so of a rollercoaster of in/out of love. I'm holding out for a calm phase next year!

Sorry only just caught up.

Perfumed we have been together 7yrs and will be married 3yrs tomorrow and we have a DD who is 4.5yrs. To be honest there has been things that have gone on in the past were he has hurt me mentally and I don't think I ever really recovered.

I think I had to tell my DH because loves2cycle your 2nd paragraph was completely spot on. I have been acting differently including going off sex. He was actually very relieved to know something was up and was glad I spoke to him about it because at the moment it's probably fixable.

We have had long talks about it and we never go out anymore unless friends or DD is around so we are going to start going out on dates again.

Don'tdropthe baby I am so sorry you are going through this :( I really have no great advise but maybe try having dates at home while baby is so young? Try making time for each other again.

Thank you all for your reponses they have helped a lot.

Of course! Sometimes dp annoys me no end and we get no time together and we're always tired etc. I may not be "in love" with him sometimes, but I know I still love him deep down.
Ever heard of the 7 year itch?
Don't drop - The first year of a baby is hard and testing. It will get better. I find that if I make the time to do nice things for DP e.g. Make a cup of tea, sympathise with his tiredness without mentioning my own, run him a bath, think of something nice/funny/silly DDs did in the day etc, the more I forget about my own lack of time and tiredness and then he makes time to do the same for me.

If someone has hurt you in the past it's hard to continue to love them because you will be cautious about being hurt again. Easier in some ways to emotionally distance yourself.

You will have to find some way to deal with the hurt/anger/resentment or whatever it is you feel you have not recovered from before you can allow him back in. When I first read your post I also thought 'Oh no, why did you tell him?', but actually it may not be a bad thing if he realises he has hurt you in the past and does something to change. Couple counselling would be another option if the dating doesn't heal things, because talking to a third person about it may allow you to 'dump' the feelings of hurt and get on with the relationship (if that's what you want).