Tired, fed up, selfish man

[Sarsaparilllla]

I'm so fed up today :(

We had a party on Sat night, but my dp never seems to just be able to have a good night, few beers and then leave it.

He started drinking at 12noon on Sat when he went to the football with a mate, we had the party Sat night, he stayed up all night drinking and doing coke, didn't come to bed at all, then continued drinking and doing coke all day yesterday, all last night.

I was supposed to be going into work today, luckily I can work from home because he woke me up at 1.30am, then 3am, then 4.30am banging around and making a noise.

He was supposed to be going to an appointment with his mum today at 10am, I tried waking him up but he's not gone. So he's let her down.

I'm so sick of this, I've tried talking to him about the coke, he's ended up in hospital from doing too much earlier this year.

I've told him in no uncertain terms I'm not prepared to end up in that situation again, but when I get annoyed with him doing it it says he's not going to go over the top, but he continues.

He's signed off work at the moment, he's due to go back next week and I can just see this making him ill all over again and him not going back. His work have been so good but I'm scared they won't stay so helpful forever, and he won't listen to me when I say I'm scared he's making himself ill again.

:(

Is he getting treatment for his addiction?

Do you have children?

If so, you'll need to get him to move out until he has this sorted.

I would not want a coke addict anywhere near my children.

Please tell me you do not have children with this individual who has both ongoing alcohol and drug dependency issues.

What are you getting out of this relationship with him, why are you still there?. I would appreciate an answer to that.

You are being dragged down by this man and at present you cannot or will not see the full reality of the situation you are in. You cannot make someone stop partaking in substance abuse; they have to want to do it for their own self.

You cannot help him or save/rescue him by being you; you can only help your own self here by extricating yourself from this dysfunctional relationship. You as his partner are the last person who can help him.

No, we don't have children.

He stopped doing the coke for ages after the hospital incident, I really thought he was dealing with it, he promised he wasn't going to touch it and he got a real fright by what happened but now it seems like as it was a while ago he thinks he can just do a bit and it'll be ok.

Every time I see the stuff I just have a flashback to him in hospital hooked up to machines :(

It's not like he drinks or does drugs all the time, that's how he justifies it, it's not every day or even every week but when he starts he just can't stop.

Just leave him.

What kind of life are you ever going to have with a man who has 3 day booze and coke benders, who can't hold down a job and who unreliable?

Sasp

Thank goodness there are no children involved within all this dysfunction.

I can only presume that you have no idea re what you are getting out of this dysfunctional relationship and why you are still there?. Presumably as you did not provide an answer you just do not know.

Your post is all about him; what about you and your feelings in all this?. Do you feel you do not matter and are there primarily to just serve him?.

He gave you a lot of empty promises and addicts are very good liars. Actions speak louder than words and he wants to remain within his drug and alcohol addictions. He cannot do "a bit" and be okay; he is palying with fire here.

You are seemingly content to remain a dim and distant last re him. Why are you selling yourself so short?. Were you taught as much?.

Spidookly, it's not that he can't hold down a job, he has a very good job, he's signed off sick for a totally different reason at the moment.

I just didn't read the whole post properly Attila, very tired.

He's not like this constantly, I get a lot out of the realtionship, he's a good partner for a vast majority of the time, he's hard working, affectionate, does he fair share of everything, but then it's like something switches in him when he drinks or goes near drugs and I can't get him to see it.

I was with a man just like this for 12 years, married for 7.
We fought so many times over the years about his drinking and drug taking. Like your DH it wasnt all the time, but when he did start he wouldnt stop.
Caused so many problems over the years - he nearly lost his job twice, came home beaten black and blue, hit my dad one time.
He would come home, whenever he fancied,sometimes a day or 2 after he went out, out of his mind drunk and pick fights and throw things around the house, making holes in the walls, breaking things etc.
Eventually I had enough and left him in July. Have started my life again and should have done it years ago.
I felt responsible for him and never told anyone as I was ashamed.
You will never change him. He can only do that for himself. And it may never happen. You deserve better than this. its his problem and if he doesnt want to change then let him go it alone

"He's not like this constantly, I get a lot out of the realtionship, he's a good partner for a vast majority of the time, he's hard working, affectionate, does he fair share of everything, but then it's like something switches in him when he drinks or goes near drugs and I can't get him to see it"

You are now making excuses for him. If you think he is a "good partner" to you anyway then your own relationship radar is well off beam. Many men do not act like yours does. He does not have to do it all the time, the fact that he is doing this at all makes it problematic. You're enabling him now by being always around to pick up his many pieces of his emotional destruction and destructive behaviour.

You as his partner are truly the last person who can help him. Infact you cannot do so.

Why are you sacrificing yourself on the altar of his unhappiness?. You are martying yourself here by being with this man. He drags you down with him. Am sure your own family and friends think that you should have left him a long time ago.

My H did this to me this weekend after promising never to do it again (long story); not only that I caught him having numerous conversations on a sex chat site on his mobile, after he passed out leaving it still on... some of it was disgusting.

We have 2 dc's. I am distraught - I can't organise my thoughts into anything remotely productive. He's asking me to help him... I am tired.

Leave him before he destroys you both

And for fucks sake don't have children with this man.

I am sure woodenpeg can give you a lovely little scenario about where you might end up. Sorry woodenpeg