Is he really as petty and selfish as I think he is right now?

[TumTumChop]

DP and I live together but we're seperating - that is that we're looking for seperate accomodation but supposedly staying together as a couple. This is because he have very different ideas on parenting and so until our kids have left home, we felt it would be easier on everyone if we just lived seperately for a few years.
So I am in the process of looking for somewhere else to live and ever since we decided on this, he has starting going out and buying new things for when I've left. He's bought a microwave, vacuum cleaner, a new pan set, a new iron and is now considering buying an xbox kinect but he makes it clear each time that none of this stuff will be used until I've gone. In other words, he wants to be the first to use it and he doesn't want me getting use out of anything he's bought himself.
This infuriated me earlier when I'm stood there ironing HIS work clothes with our old broken iron and he says "I'd let you use my new one but ... you know".
I said "no, I don't know ... why can't I??" so he said "well, I bought it with my own money, I don't want it getting all messed up! I bought it for when you've moved out". It was HIS clothes I was ironing!!!
He's getting like this with everything. He bought a book and was frightened to death I would have a read of it before he had. He's started to whinge when I ask to borrow his mp3 player. Its like he cant stand to see me getting use out of ANYTHING he's "Bought himself" yet he says he still wants a relationship with me once I've moved out??

Why would he be this petty if he genuinly cared for me or is he in the right here?

I don't understand how living separately is going to solve your parenting differences. You will still be co-parenting them I assume? Isn't this going to be horribly confusing for the kids - more so than an 'ordinary' separation?

And about the possessions - he's being a twat. And you are a doormat if you continue to iron his clothes.

I read this as "he will come round to fuck you every so often".

Best rid.

The best you can say about him is that when the kids aren't around you get on fine? But obviously only when you operate on his weird, selfish and controlling terms. He sounds dreadful. Your relationship sounds dreadful. Take your newly found freedom and run!

You know you're better off with him, right?

I'd nick his new iron, x-box etc on my way out the door. What a twunt.

without him ???? Per ?

AAhhhhhh without him, without him. FGS, I need to step away from the computer tonight.

have a glass of red ..

xpost

And I haven't even had a drink. Maybe that's the problem...

{smile]

ttfn

He sounds nuts and really hard work. You sound, erm, silly is the nicest way of putting it. I can't see what you'll be getting out of living apart if it's basically about him getting laid at the weekend without having to bother to actually be part of a couple and take responsibility for that. And why are you doing his ironing? Let him do it with the lovely new iron. Does his child live with him?

sorry but can i just get something clear? you have a child and he has a child ie so that means you don't actually have any children TOGETHER biologically? and step-parent each others?

are the 2 kids both from previous relationships with other partners? and is "his" child staying with him after you go?

just trying to get to grips with this, i definitely think he is being an utter twunt. and you are being a sucker, put that iron down NOW lady!!

Do you even enjoy sex with him? Can't imagine he's god's gift in the bedroom with that selfish attitude.

OP The first time you posted this, I felt really sorry for you, the second time much the same thing happened. This has been going on for months now, if not a year or longer.... what else can anyone say to you to make you realise he is complete arse and apart from how it is affecting you, it is no good for either of the children.

Actually, I am starting to wonder if this is real or not :( Part of me hopes it isn't because then there aren't two children living this crappy life and part of me hopes it is because lots of people have spent a lot of time supporting you and telling their own difficult stories.

I'm sorry but if he is an arse and you have already decided not to continue living together, why to keep the relationship going (along his petty behaviour)?

TBH I think to say that the relationship is going to continue once you move out is just softening the blow that this is ending for real.

Stop doing the ironing, and start planing your new life. I'm sure there is something out there for you much better than having such a man in your life.

Yes this rang bells with me too ChippingIn. This is not the first time I have heard this OP.

SPLIT woman, run and don't look back, he is using you.

You are writing this and asking for advice which you more than likely won't take. If you were serious you would have left long ago. He is tight, immature, condescending and this is wrong on so many levels.

Sometimes people deserve all they get. This is your time, for putting yourself and your child in this creeps way. In the name of sanity, leave.

Actually, if this IS 'boxy' then she has made done progress hadn't she!?

Before she was never quite on the verge if going..... Now sh DOES seem to realise it's happening

She's getting there.......slowly!!

Oh, is this boxy? OP, why haven't you left yet? P.S. I'd cut the plugs off of all of his shiny new preciouses. Just for the chuckles.

Hi OP, I'm in pretty much the same situation except it was my DP that moved out with his son and me and my son stayed in the 'family home'.

Totally different parenting styles and this was really the only area of argument, so we now live apart and it seems to be working.

I got slightly territorial at first as well, I suppose I moved on in my mind a bit quicker than him simply because I wasn't the one moving.

I went on a clothes shopping spree, whereas yours seems to have went on a household appliance shopping spree. I think its part of the transition.

I couldn't wait for things to move on either so I could indulge my little pleasures (for your dp's it would be having a new book to read) and to move the relationship onto a happier place.

We're a few months down the line now and all is good on both sides I think, he does sound like he's being very insensitive, whereas I really went out my way not to do anything that I thought would hurt dp or dss.

You really need to spell it out to him that his behaviour is hurtful, he might not realise and think your as excited about him about moving!!

Oh and why are you ironing his stuff!!
Seeing as he's preparing to live himself he better get used to doing it!

I see there's more to this.
Will he still help you with day to day things when you need them?
My dp often still nips to the shops for me to pick up things i've forgotten, he babysits as I work overnight, I still pick up his ds and give him lifts etc, actually as the pressure is gone it really is much better for the kids as well as us.