help wanted

[anon1968]

ok , here goes, my husband and i have been having problems for a year, and he moved out to give us space, but then had to move back in , 2 wks a go he told me he was having an affair and doesnt know what to do, even today he has told me he doesnt love me and i am driving him mad, i have been hassling him all day to make a decision and then when he snapped and did and said he wanted to leave to be with her i didnt like it and said he could have more time, why can't i accept it, i know he will always be fair financially, he has been since we first split up, i cant sleep, i cant eat , and it is on my mind the whole time, i feel like i am going mad and everything is going at 100 miles an hour, all through this i have gone to work every day but not really got on with much else, yes i do the housework but i have to force myself and everything is left till the last minute, would tablets help me to calm down, why cant i just let go? He has said she makes him happy like i havent for a while, and doesnt want to finish it, not just in case we dont work out, why cant i accept, why do i want to stay with a person who doesnt want me, we have one daughter.

There is a thread ongoing, about a lady solost, has gone through something similar you may want to take a look at.

What age is your dd? How long have you been married? What ages are you and your dh?

My ex said he was not happy anymore, and he put it down the the marriage.

There are some things that I would like to pick out and if you would please expand on it, people may be able to help!

What problems have there been between you and dh?

Who's decision was it for him to move out and back in?

You are driving him mad? what does this mean do you think?

Why have you asked for an answer and when you get the one you don't want let him have more time?

If he wants to be with her why has he not left already?

About you, you ask yourself why you want to stay with a person who doesn't want you, what do you think could be behind that?

Have you any rl support?

Have you been to see your GP?

How is your dd coping?

You need to get some rl support, TELL EVERYONE! Get friends and family around and ask him to leave.

This may not be the end BUT you are never going to move forward all the time he has you both. In the long run if that's his choice he has to stick to it, although I doubt it is, because why is he back?

But making you feel this worthless could be a tactic to grind you down so you accept him doing this. You will need to find strength to boot him out whilst he sorts himself out, living like this will tear you apart.

Phone someone tonight.

Oh, same old, same old, and the grass is always greener, etc.,
Honestly, what is his problem ? Best thing is to try and get some councilling before any major decisions are made. I second all Mummie... says.
Good Luck. X

...and emmmy...

What? I don't see how counselling will help all the time he is telling op she drives him mad, he loves someone else and is still seeing her. How will staying put and getting counselling help?

If he is acting like that, it's dragging out the pain.

Honey, from your posting name, looks like you are my age.

My dad walked out on us when my mum was our age. he went off for a while, he came back.

it was hell.

Then he left for good. he had never stopped contact with OW.

He's been with her ever since. According to him pretty unhappily, but I know what he's like to live with so I'm betting SHE's not had too fine a time of it all either.

I adored my dad, and had little to do with my mum. had he never left I would have never have got to know her. That would have been a waste. I count her as one of my best friends and genuinely enjoy her company. That would never have happened if he hadn't left.

Sure Mum was really sad, we all were. But that passed and we healed and life went on, we all felt more free in the end.

Anon1968, it'll be OK, it'll be better than ok. My mum remarried a few years ago after a long courtship, and is far happier, she gets to call the shots more than she ever did with dad.

Hold your head up high, don't settle for second best, when the time is right. Right now, you need to put yourself first and foremost, in time there will be others that will put you first and foremost in their lives.

He will always be an arse that let his family down, you are going to the best role model for your daughter, by being a little bit brave, putting your foot down and not taking his shit, you will get through this and everything will be better.

Counselling (solo counselling) can help a lot: The situation is clearly driving OP round in thought-circles - counselling allows space to talk, be listened to (respectfully - I'm willing to put money on there being very little of that going on in OP's intimate life at the moment), and, ideally, get a perspective on an emotional maelstrom.

In the short time, it might help help OP gather the shreds of her self, and self-confidence back together (I'm willing to bet they are shredded by this), in the long-term, it might help OP to lay down good foundations for the future.

Good friends might help with all the above (assuming you have those available, and they have the time/insight/inclination to help). And mn can help, too, hopefully. Counselling, as we know, is not that readily available ... .

anon1968, the short answer is that break-ups with someone you loved and trusted can tear apart your very sense of self, and make you doubt you know anything. The fact that this situation has been going on, in such an unresolved way, for such a long time, is doing you harm. It's no surprise you don't know your up from your down.

You will, however, get past that, though you clearly need some support.