Why Are Men So Unhappy?

[Vagabond]

There is a really extensive feature in today's Times about the state of 'men's happiness' these days. It's really interesting reading. It's in one of the supplements. Just thought I'd recommend it if you can still get your hands on it. Saturday's Times.

The gist of it is that women have overtaken men in terms of social mobility, friendships, jobs, 'knowing' their roles in life and that men are floundering. Men no longer have strong social networks and rely on their partners for their social lives and find little satisfaction outside of work.

One thing that really rang true to me was how many men rely on their partners for their social life. How few friends they stay in contact with and how little socialising they instigate for themselves.

Really worth reading.

don't make me laugh. Men still have the best deal by a bloody long way

I don't know, dh has as good a social life as me I think. Depends on the person really.

They are in transition. When they deal with it and get over it, the world can move on. Like all transitions, they will be stronger and better for it.

I saw my dh was reading that today. I asked him if he felt it was true and he said no way, he has everything he needs and wants, although winning the lottery and quitting work would help.

We are leading rather old fashioned, conventional lives though, so I wonder if that has anything to do with it.I am a SAHM and he is the main breadwinner. We are happy in our roles, although i work a bit freelance from home. We have a one child together and dh has one from a brief marriage. We go out to theatre, odd nights for dinner/drinks seperately and together and are just as happy to curl up on the sofa with tea and telly.

I imagine if you are susceptible to advertising/film/media hype you could start to feel dissatisfied with your lot though.

well the socialising thing rings true for me. When my mum died it became very apparent very quickly that Mum had been the main instigator of keeping in touch with family (even on Dads side) and friends - Dad didnt acutally have any friends that weren't `attached' to Mum in some way and bless him he didnt have a clue initially (he works in a profession that is quite isolated which didnt help)

Perhaps its a generation thing? I am now the main go between to Mums side of the family (despite the fact he was married for 33 years and still has a good relationship with them) but he has gently started forge his own friendships and at times found this difficult and sometimes rewarding

vagabond...I am in the process of separating and suddenly we have realised that all the people we hang out with are mainly my friends.

Don't get me wrong, he has some great friends, but he never makes the effort. He was complaining about how he never saw his friends...ugh! They are always calling him, but he can't be arsed to go see them. And he would NEVER invite them over to our neighbourhood.

He just doesn't get it: friendships have to worked on...just like marriages...cue extremely cynical face!

Oh please.

Men only leave the socailising to their partners to arrange because they are lazy, not because they are unhappy.

And I don't even really mean that. I hate overgeneralisations based on one thing, like gender.

I think alot of men just do what suits them - eg it is easier for their partners to arrange everything. Alot of men still have the easier deal to find time to do things which make them happier (less time expected to be devoted to childcare etc). I think it is women who find it hard with full-time jobs, homes, children, maybe elderly parents etc. to socialise.

Do men have the same need to socialise/communicate as women? (maybe just my experience

Did the article offer any evidence for the 'women organise the social lives' bit? It's possible that my situation is unique, but my DH has a really big social life with about 10 school friends who are constantly meeting up with each other and chatting on facebook. I have been drawn into it over the years and now quite a few of my best friends outside work are what were originally his school friends.

There are lots of reasons why men may be unhappy, but blaming it on women's insufficient subjugation is avoiding the real issues. An equal life partner should surely be an improvement to a man's lot rather than an additional source of stress, by sharing the burden, doubling the income, enabling (not forcing) him to spend more time at home playing with their children. It's not feminism that is making so many men work far too many hours for far too little pay and uncertain prospects. And it's certainly not feminism that is preventing a man from managing his own contacts list.

My dh has no social life appart from talking to people at work, he never goes out and has not kept in touch with friends. He's happy to have no friends as he feels he cant trust anyone. I don't socialize much either but i would like to be more sociable (unlike dh).

Some men are unhappy because feminism is working ie men no longer have automatic and acepted advantages.

DH is more sociable than me. He's very good at it.

I don't really get this 'men are all confused about their roles' stuff, although I haven't read the article.

Women have had the rougher end for a while and still do .... these little articles are interesting observations about emerging trends but we shouldn't feel especially sorry for men? I think modern parenthood has high expectations in the west which creates pressures for man and woman?

Oh good morning Reality. How's your head?

Those poor men.

It's so hard for men earning more than women for the same work and doing fuck all housework and childcare.

And so easy for women who have less promotion prospects............

loved your post Anniegetyourgun

It's very hard for a man when both partners work and have children and she comes home and does the lionshare of childcare/housework.

I think vast majority of people I know earn the same amount and have the same amount of socialising time.

Think as long as each person has one day and night out with friends at the very least every week then thats ok.

Anniegetyourgun- yes good post