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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unsavoury Relatives

31 replies

vicdim14 · 26/11/2010 23:52

I am in a bit of a moral dilemma. I have a son who is six months old. My husband's family live over four hundred miles away and because of their profession/income do not come and visit. We try to visit them as often as we can but this can often be a hassle with a baby. His sister (who is eighteen months younger than us) lives with his Mum and Dad. She has had problems with drugs and been to prison more than once but we believed she was clean. We have now found out that she has been back on drugs (heroin) for at least the last year and in the past couple of weeks has been arrested for selling drugs. So that she wouldn't go back to prison whilst she awaits trial, her parents have allowed her to return to live at their house. She is also now on a methadone program to withdraw. Since I found out I was pregnant my husband has wanted to spend his son's first Christmas with his family. He had spent a year and a half planning it. After discovering what his sister has been up to, we have agreed not to go down there until she has her hearing. I am disgusted with her and it makes me sick to my stomach that she has held and kissed my son whilst taking this filthy substance. I don't want her anywhere near my son, not now or the near future. As you can imagine my husband is bitterly disappointed this and this has lead to some arguments. He feels that his parents are being punished for something his sister has done and keeps asking "when ever will we visit then?". I don't think there is any way to rationalise this and feel that his parents have to understand how serious this is. When she was in prison before her mother would show me her letters as if she was in summer camp. They keep ringing and asking us to come down but I am particularly not happy with her in the house. We usually stay in her room and I have in the past found drug items in there which she had hid and forgotten about. My son is now at the crawling stage. Am I doing the right thing sticking to my guns or will my husband resent me?

OP posts:
TitianTinselTemptress · 27/11/2010 21:30

Good luck OP and merry christmas :)

nemofish · 27/11/2010 21:39

I know you didn't vicdim, I just used that word for two reasons, firstly it has been used behind my back and to my face when I was an addict, and seondly it does sum up in a nutshell how many people feel about addicts.

There is a joke about cold turkey in there somewhere but I'll refrain from making it Wink

Hope you have a great Xmas, good for you for looking out for your ds, do what you feel you have to.

Cheers Titain I am just beginning to feel positive about myself now at the age of 33, and reading what you said definitely helps! Smile

Alouiseg · 27/11/2010 21:39

My brother is a junkie, he's been in prison. I won't take my children to my Mums house when he's there. He's unstable even when he claims to be clean. He permanently reeks of cigarette smoke and I won't subject my children to that.

We see my Mum at our house.

nemofish · 27/11/2010 21:42

I know what you mean Alouiseg, plenty of junkies are shall we say unrepentant and oblivious to the welfare of other people. Poor sod though.

TrappedinSuburbia · 27/11/2010 22:06

'There is no reason for her to be like this'!!!

Yes there is, she's addicted!!!

Do you think she likes being like this? Nope, but sometimes the urges are so strong they take over, she probably hates herself for being like this.

There for the grace of god......

Well done Nemofish (cute name) didn't want to say it before at the risk of sounding patronising!!!!

Chatelaine · 27/11/2010 22:11

Your poor, poor PIL, they must be anguished. Please think well of them, from your OP I do. They are trying to support their daughter, what would you do differently 20 years from now? They would surely be cheered, benefit and be encouraged from their healthy son and DIL visiting them. Bit harsh imo to deny them that.

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