Please someone talk to me, DP so angry always,

[MoreTrampThanVamp]

I don't know where to start, I think we might split up and I can't bear it.

DP recently has been uncharacteristically furious all the time. This is over the last couple of months. Its got to the point where I am actually scared he might lose it and hurt one of us... I am being told to fuck off, he is throwing things, kicking things, shouting, refusing to speak to me, snapping at DD, blowing up over nothing.

But I have known him for so long, 12 years, and been together for 3 years and this is so out of character. One of the things I have always loved about him is he is so gentle usually and now this anger seems to have come from nowhere.

He says he doesn't see any point talking about this as he doesn't know whats wrong, he's sorry, he doesn't want to split up but doesn't blame me for considering it. Its like he is stonewalling me. I get a big fake grin and a terse 'I'm fine' but its not true, nothign is fine. Where to start trying to fix things?

I don't know what to do or how to help things. I don't think I can cope on my own again. DD is 7 and I was lone parent for 3 years, now we have baby DS (3 months). The thought of everything imploding again is awful, having to manage alone, having to put DD through all that again, oh god I can't bear it.

it is over the alst couple of months --"now we have baby DS (3 months)."

isnt that the issue here?

the new baby?
he isnt coping for whatever reason?

feeding baby so crap typing

i guess so, too upset to make full cogent post

but we dont live together, we have own places

he stays few times a week - not at the moment though, once in last 3 weeks

i do everything, night feeds the lot

so is hardly much for him to cope with

but yes i didnt make clear that is probably the issue

How awful! It must be very hard living with this unpredictability. You say this is very unusual behaviour. If that is the case and presuming he is truthful about it not being your fault yet something else must be giving him a lot of stress/angst. Could he have got himself into some form of trouble? Like debt or problems at work (threat of redundancy/being laid off?) or be due in court or something like that? Not everyone are able to speak to their partner about things that doesn't put them in a great light so may be that he is trying not to include you for that reason. If it is very uncharacteristic and its nothing to do with your relationship I can only think it must be something quite serious to have changed him dramatically - if I understand you correctly.

Whatever the reason for his behaviour though it is totally unacceptable and rather abusive. You should tell him in no-uncertain terms that it is not un and must stop. Tell him how his behaviour is making you feel and how frightened you are, both of his behaviour and of him leaving. If its hard to talk write him a letter/email or show him this post. Even if he did want to end your relationship he has no right to be horrible and scary towards either you or the dc. He needs to be a grownup!

has he run up debts that you dont know about?

My brother started acting like this, and the only indcator for my Sil was when the baliffs turned up

it sounds like he is under pressure from somewhere

Sorry you're going through this, it must be last thing you need while you're coping with new baby. Possible causes:

Other issue (debts, bullying at work, etc)
Other woman
Fear of being a father
Jealousy of baby taking your attention
Medical problem (diabetes, blood pressure, etc)

Can you get him to go through the possible causes rationally with you, in a process of elimination? I hope it works for you - it sounds as though he's quite unhappy with himself at the moment, too, so you both deserve a clear focus on it. Good luck.

Could it be mid life crisis or depression. That makes some men angry and abusive in a way they cannot explain.

Have to be quick must do school run.

He look so sad and defeated when not being angry.

Doubt it re debts or other woman - self employed and I help with accounts etc so not work trouble, and I simply do not suspect him of cheating. Maybe naive but really is last thing I would think.

Depression or other health worry is my guess but he is so reluctant to talk...

This is so so out of character. He is usually so kind, thoughtful, gentle, talkative even about difficult issues.

He should get his thyroid checked, simple blood tests. It can really change a person's personality and make them aggressive and angry. It also makes them feel they are on speed and jumpy.

Sounds very strange - especially if you have never seen this kind of behaviour before from him.

If you can exclude medical issues etc....Can I ask why you don't live together?

Was this a joint decision?

Did you ever live together?

Does one of you want to make things more permanent and the other not?

Is he/was he married? Does he have other children?

Was the new baby planned?

Some men find fatherhood very difficult in the early months and years, i believe there is something called post partum depresstion?

Is it possible for a man to get post partum depression when he does not live with his baby?