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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hints/tips/mini-exercises to improve communication with DH

2 replies

springlamb · 26/11/2010 12:45

DH and I imploded this week after a long period of total lack of communication. This has been an ongoing problem in our 26 year relationship and rears its ugly head with a row every few years. It extends to everything - feelings, sex, finances, day to day matters.
I love and fancy this man, I have no doubt he loves and fancies me. We have talked about having counselling but, believe me, DH would struggle badly and if you knew him, you too would be loath to force him.
Any hints/tips on how to improve communication.
He is coming home for lunch every day now so that we have time to talk without the dc around and without being exhausted at the end of the day.
We are setting aside 10 minutes later in the day when each of us are talking about some sort of feeling we've had during the day, not necessarily about each other, could be anything. So far, these 10 minutes are lasting about half an hour, so that's positive!
We are trying to go to bed at the same time so we can talk a little and snuggle and see what comes up!
But any other help gratefully received.

OP posts:
pottonista · 26/11/2010 12:56

Your ten minutes a day sounds like a great idea.

DP and I do this a bit. We also have a 'board meeting' once a month for a few hours. DP and I do it in a sort of joke 'board room' style, with an agenda and minutes and everything, which might not suit you and is just us being weird; but the main principle is that you have a regular time set aside to discuss finances, holidays, plans, ILs, big purchases and any other major things that it's hard to talk about off the cuff after a busy day.

I like to feel prepared if we're making big decisions, so I find that a really good way of taking the temperature of things and getting issues/plans/disagreements aired regularly.

springlamb · 26/11/2010 13:00

Well taking the minutes might be going a bit far...mind you, DH would probably like a written record of my feelings on certain things as he thinks I'm quite changeable!

Thanks, good to know that it doesn't all come naturally to at least one other couple!

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