when did new partners meet your dc's

[tomhardyismydh]

just wondering...

On many other threads on here you will read that many people believe 6 months to a year is a good time to wait before you introduce new partners to DC.

No one knows how a relationship is going to turn out but by the time 6 months to a year is up you will have a good/general idea of how things will go. Its not fair to introduce DC to new partners every few weeks/months - that would simply mess them up.

I can't remember exactly but I certainly didn't rush it! Initially my dp met us away from the house a few times, the park, a trip to town etc and at that point he was just introduced as my friend. Once he started visiting us at home, he always came during the day to see all of us and the first few times he stayed over he slept on the sofa (me too, before my 4am alarm warned me to get back to bed!) Funnily enough it was my dd who first suggested he should be my bf, he became very close to them after a few months and during a conversation about something she had seen on tv, she said I wouldn't mind you having a bf if it was *. We sort of just took it from there really! He now lives with us and both dcs love him to bits and have adjusted well. I couldn't recommend highly enough the slow approach and always remember, any decent man should want to do things in a way that puts your dcs first
Whats your situation at the moment tomhardy? x

We both met each others dc early on, but we just introduced each other as friends. I have quite a few male friends so they didn't see it as unusual.

Six months to a year would not have been practical for me - I would never have been able to see him without dc and we both agreed that the dc are a big part of our lives and it would be essential to get on with each others dc for us to have any sort of future.
Thankfully, we all get along great.

sounds like a perfect way to do it primrose.

I was mostly just wondering but that is because I have met someone only a few weeks so not even considering it yet at all. but Im playing it quite cool.

Have been songle for a long time but had a relationship a couple of years ago with a man I new very well and so my dd was involved from the start and my attitude at the time was that he knows I have a child and so from the onset why keep my generaly daily life seperate.

this was a mistake as we did finish. im sure because my dd was very young and he couldnt commit to us because of that. he wanted to go out drinking all the time.

dd was unaffected when it ended, but I realised I had jumped in with both feet and kind of exposed her to this too soon. she is a little older now and so would naturaly be more cautious.

But im not sure I really want all the juggling of children family home and partner on the side lines. I do like him alot but he is more enthisastic with txts etc and eager to meet but although I am I have more to juggle in life and i got a sence he thinks im not at all interested.

im just procrastinating the whole "what does it involve to be in a relationship".

Again I think it all boils down to being the right sort of man! Even now my dp jokes that I'm his no1 but he knows he's my no3! It is a juggling act and I can't imagine it working well for any dcs involved unless BOTH adults are putting them first. Do you get any child free time? At the start of my relationship I tried to do all my 'courting' (I love that word!) when I was free and my dp just had to accept that initially that was how it would be!
I can identify with you saying that your new dp thinks your uninterested, to begin with my dp couldn't quite relate to how busy/wrapped up I was with being a Mum but he soon caught up. In the early days I probably sent 2 texts in a day compared to his 20 but he knew I was keen but busy
Its not easy! x

I dont get any nights away from dd she will go out with exp but she doesnt want to sleep at his. i have a friend who will have dd over for sleep overs as i will her dd aswell, but i dont want to abuse that for babysitting.

he has been round here in the evening once, when dd was in bed. This was fine and didnt feel uncomfetable or anything.

I have a busy weekend and week so may not get to see him untill friday. will see how it all goes.

I think it's best to introduce them at once. If they're going to be a bit rubbish at the Daddy Business, you may as well find out straight away and not waste time.

When they caught me shagging him behind DH's back on the sofa

rolf!!!

I don't see any need to be flippant Katie. The OP is asking a serious and valid question, why do you have to sneer and make mock?

You did ask.

#AnotherMum* what a load of bollox that meeting new partners after a few weeks/months would simply mess them up, of course it would not!

Children meet new people all the time, they get introduced to people, friends of their parents etc., and then sometimes never see them again. Same thing with partners, meeting them is not the same as moving them in to live with your kids.

I tihnk what might mess kids up is the way the partner is introduced, and whether or not their parent starts giving them less attention than the partner, or if the partner moves in and starts acting like a step parent instantly.

FWIW my DS met my boyfriend four years before we started going out. We where friends, we socialised a lot and hung out a lot (with DS). So when we finally stated going out together DS welcomed it.

Who said I was sneering? Just because I am not MN Royalty (though I am on this weeks roundup, beatch. They all shook hands, even though they got a bit Jizzy off Dave the Plumber.

dave the plunber?? new partner??

plumber even.

Yes, he's good with my hygiene maintenance.

tomhardy I tihnk there is nothing wrong with having your new man over once your DD is in bed.

I used to think to myself "Would I do this with a friend?" and if the answer way yes, I would do it with partner too. So I would have friends over in the evenings, I would do day trips with a friend to places with DS like the park/zoos etc.

do you genuinely think they will benefit from being introduced?

not just yet, as it is very early days but after last relationship I was just dreading all the juggling etc, so wanted to find out what other did/do.

I heard he was handy with a bit of lube and tape katie

And his nine inch wrench

I'm happily attached, but should that situation change I feel that I would want to wait a year before doing any of that introduction stuff. Any new person would be of secondary importance to DD so they'd have to deal with that fact straight away.

unfortunatly for you plumbers are renound for thier inacurate measurements

Great, told him I was a size 12.

why has this thread gone down hill???

I was asking a serious question