Do most peoples relationships go through a bit of a bumpy patch after having a baby?

[memoo]

Had DC3 14 months ago, was ill for quite a while with PND during which DH was amazing, really looked after us all. I'm much better now and things have settled down but I just feel so distant from DH.

I love him as much as ever and still find him attractive but for some reason I don't like him to kiss me or even touch me. Its like I have this barrier around me.

We have no major worries really so have no idea what is going on.

I know people will say we need to talk but I don't want to

bugger, I forgot to name change

It seems to me like this is that last hangover from your depression. I was depressed last year and I began to feel ok by about December but it wasn't really till about March of this year that everything was ok between DH and me. Like you DH, mine was hugely supportive so I had no reason to resent him, it was almost as if I was afraid to get close to him and I was sort of pushing him away. It's probably all just part of the healing process.

Give yourself a chance to get fully better. I know you don't want to hear it, but you do need to let DH know how much he means to you and that your distance isn't due to him so that he doesn't feel rejected. Just let him know that you're almost better but it'll take another few months for you to get back to your normal loving self. Seeing as he's been so supportive so far I'm sure he won't have a problem with that.

Also, do you think that perhaps subconsciously you're afraid of getting intimate for fear of getting pregnant again? In your mind having a child is, at the moment, associated with a very rough time, so it might be that your mind is trying to protect you from getting into that situation again. I became depressed at the end of my teacher training course and I became convinced that I didn't want to be a teacher. When I got better I realised I'd just associated the two things that weren't really related and I'm teaching now and I love it. Your mind will put up barriers to protect you without you really knowing it.

Yes - I think several things can be happening:

1. I agree with Writer
2. Tiredness
3. Underlying resentment if there's a disparity between what you feel he is contributing vs what you are contributing
4. Getting out of the habit - in my case it really was a case of use it or lose it
5. Getting your some of your needs for affection and intimacy met by the baby, and, on a more negative note, feeling overwhelmed by the physical and emotional demands of a baby, so you feel you have nothing left to "give" - sex feels like another chore

Please talk to him. Please let him know you love him and would love to "want" to have more intimacy. I let it go on for too long and my very patient and loving DH hid how rejected he felt