Delayed ejaculation with new partner

[hugemelons]

Hi, I have name changed, but hope thats ok. My new man has delayed ejaculation, and we recently slept together for the first time. I havent really heard of this before and a search on mn reveals only 4 posts.

I can see that after time it can become quite a tricky situation, and tbh I felt like i couldn't give him enough satisfaction when we made love. I don't take it personally but i am worried that it could effect us emotionally. I know he has had this well he says, all his active sex life. He doesn't really want to talk about it which is fine, becuase i expect he is used to it.

I just wondered if anyone else has a partner or dh with this, and i mean long term rather than the odd occasion iyswim.

I can't think of any significant events here on mn that I can quote to prove I am a name changer. !!

ten minutes of being wanked off is still quite a long time! I couldn't keep it up that long! I guess if he can come through manual maybe you could get him to do it whilst maintaining eye contact/licking his neck/whatever. As long as you're involved, and don't just roll over with a 'let me know when you're done...'

thanks, this is getting really interesting, hearing the similarities in others experinces.

I helped as much as i could, with result so i was happy to have been involved, as it#s so important to me for him to feel cherished.

My dh had this for a while and it was both exhausting and very frustrating. I knew something was wrong because it came on suddenly and it was never a problem for him before.

I did as much research as I could, I agree there is very little info out there, but there only seemed to be two conclusions for this problem - it was either psychological or physical. If its a psychological issue or some kind of mental block then he would need a referral from his GP. My dh's turned out to be physical, he was diagnosed as a diabetic shortly after and his overall health was not good at that time. Once he was diagnosed and got treatment for his diabetes the problem resolved itself.

During my research it did say that men who got too use to masterbating (if they've been single for a long time for example) may have to get use to having sex with a woman again. But you said he's always had this problem with every partner so maybe he should get this checked out.

Has he ever been to the doc about it ? I know men would find the subject very hard to discuss with their GP but he could go and ask for a general health check up, blood tests etc, for starters. If nothing ominous is found he could then mention it.

allgonebellyup been out for the evening so missed your earlier post

am not sure what you are asking, but I was just making sure that OP wasn't feeling obliged to carry on for longer than she wanted to wrt penetration. Some women do you see, because they fall into this ridiculous idea that sex, for men, is all about the pumping

eg. personally if I carry on too long with penetration I am susceptible to thrush, soreness and UTI's

but I am peri-menopausal so that is a factor

however, if DH takes too long, we just do summat else

A nice cup of tea, maybe :)

It is hell

After four hours you are numb below the waist and just want to go to sleep.

Do not rule out the 'it's all about control' factor.

Also expect lots of cystitis. And find a way to keep yourself interested. No matter how willing you are, there is only so long you can keep going.

Good luck

DH can go for at least 30 mins easily as he's one who suffers from delayed ejaculation. He can ejaculate but only occasionally. It does not happen on a regular basis.

I think the more of an issue you make of it, the more it plays on their minds and makes them stressed out about the whole thing. You just need to both enjoy the moment and not focus on his climax. Most men will want their partners to climax first anyway. It doesn't always have to be through penetrative sex.

DH used to have this at first. It was worse in the mornings. It was a mental thing I think, as it is now not an issue. I used to find it quite frustrating and upsetting - it was as if I couldn't do it for him. But that wasn't the case at all.

I think that, if you can rule out a porn addiction (as mentioned above), you just need to relax and NOT make a big deal about it as that will make him worse. Hopefully, as you get to know each other better he may be able to relax more and it will improve.

Another one on the learning curve here as my Ex only used to last 30 seconds [hsad] and I knew no better.

My NM had been in a sex free marriage for 10 years so had got rather used to porn and self help. It has taken a year to retrain him to my satisfaction [hgrin] and he tends to last 40-80 minutes now. But we talk, laugh and discuss what works or doesn't and if I have had enough we go to sleep "to resume later". He tends to be more relaxed after a beer so I think it is nerves mainly.

Just noticed this thread is two years old... hope he has finished by now OP [hsmile]

why not look at this the other way around - if a woman couldn't orgasm easily would it be such a problem? Would we even be discussing it?

desperatelyseeking I agree with you on that. No one would bat an eyelid if a woman couldn't come during intercourse. It's only because a man can't (when it's sometimes essential he spills his seed when TTC, I suppose that is why it's an issue?) that there's a big massive deal made out of it.

Urg, I had an ex like this. Taking too long is so much worse than being too quick.

Like others have said, just have sex until you're done then let him finish himself off. Sometimes with my husband, if I'm taking too long, I do that anyway. He doesn't care, just so long as I get mine ;)