Am I high maintanance for expecting more than this?

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I'm totally sick of living with DP.
He never speaks to me. Ignores me when I speak. Ignores me in general. I'm just sick of him tbh.
Yesterday was my son's academic review day. We got home and he didn't even ask how it had gone. Never even mentioned it. Could he have forgotten? well no because I mentioned it in passing just in case. Still nothing.
He asked me what I wanted for christmas. I asked for some boots. He said No, too expensive. So I said ok, perfume - he said "no, the kind you want will be over £30, I'll take you to buy a jumper or something from matalan.
This morning I wanted to use the car so took him to work. When we got there I was just sorting out the MP3 player when I heard the door open and shut. He literally just got out and went into work without even saying goodbye or anything.
Last night I was talking (or trying) to him about uni. I was telling him what I thought was quite an ammusing story about an incident which happened and when I finished he didn't react at all - I didn't expect barrels of laughter but a smile would have been nice. I said "do you not find that funny?" and he said "umm you should try this sandwich, its gorgeous". I said "did you even hear what I said??" and he replied "yes!" so I asked him what I'd said and he said "something about rugby players at the gym" needless to say this was NOT the object of my story but something else entirely.
We go to bed and he doesn't even hug me or touch me unless he wants sex. He never comes near me in fact unless he wants sex.

But apparantly I'm high maintanance, bordering on clingy and expect too much. Do I??

You are not high maintenance.

He is a boorish, rude twit.

Is he especially distracted by work concerns at the moment? Worried about anything?

You do not sound high maintenance.

It is a very difficult situation as I guess the more he ignores you the more you want his attention (quite rightly so IMHO) therefore confirming his "theory" that you are clingy. I do not know what to advise you as I fear you starting to ignore him as much as he ignores you could badly backfire.

I hope it is as MmeLindt says that he he just preoccupied by something else and it will pass. I feel for you.

You need to find out what the problem is. Calmly refuse to accept that you are the problem and ask him what on earth is going on.

Fwiw my first thought is that he is doing that crap man thing of beind so horrible that you will finish with him saving him the effort of finishing with you and being the bad guy.

He is being horribly passive aggressive.

No, to be honest he's pretty much always been like this. I guess at the beginning I had much more lower self esteem and was willing to see past it but now I don't see why I should. I have a friend who tells me how irritating her boyfriend is and in the next breath she'll say "oh but he did bring in a couple of bottles of wine last night and this little teddy!" or I'll say I like her boots and she'll smile and say "thanks, Dave bought me them" or another one "me and dave were talking about this last night ... " and it says something when I'm more jealous of their conversation than the fact that he buys her £100 boots.
I just want a normal relationship, is that too much to ask? I don't want flowers and chocolates every night, constant compliments and a bell to ring when I want his attention - I'd just like someone who hugged me in bed without me asking him too, someone who gives me a quick kiss before saying goodbye as he goes to work, someone who doesn't begrudge spending £30 on a bottle of perfume, someone who LISTENS to me above all else. I don't think that's too much to ask

Sorry, didn't see the other replies. I'm also wondering if he's just had enough and is hoping I end it so he doesn't have to.
Typical bloke not having the balls to make a decision themselves.

I don't think you're asking too much. The stuff you said you want (eg, a kiss before he goes out, a cuddle in bed) is all stuff I get from my dh without thinking about it, it's so taken for granted that that's what people in a loving relationship do.

I know you have a child, but is it his bio child or stepson?

I'd say, tbh, that you need to tell him what you want and if he doesn't provide it, you're wasting your time with him.

It sounds like he's doing it on purpose. To be hurtful. If not, he has some serious problem regarding how to behave in normal human interactions

Is he jealous of you going to uni and meeting lots of new (fun) people? Is he ubder lots of stress at work, and feeling like he's under pressure to be "breadwinner" while you study? These are things I think would make him withdraw and behave in the way you describe. Arse-ish behaviour though. Can you talk to him in an "are you ok? You are not your usual self?" stylee?

Someone has to ask the obvious question, so I'll do it now: exactly what are you getting out of this relationship? Presumably the miserable git has some good points that make it worth having him around? Large wallet? Three-pronged cock?

I think he's doing the usual man-thing of behaving horribly so that you will leave him and he can get the sympathy vote 'my DP left me' - I would get out now with your dignity.

I laughed the three prong-cock comment!

I have a similar problem. I also happen to think that expecting my dp to ask me about my day is ok and kinda minimal on the scale of expectations. My DP is very quiet and withdrawn.

A counselor one told me that he is a turtle and I am an octopus. The more octopus-y I become the more he withdraws. I find when I restrain myself it helps me feel better. In other words, if I don't reach out for a hug, I won't feel disapointed when he doesn't respond. But truthfully it didn't make him reach out more. (sorry, don't want to hijack but just sharing so you know you're not the only one is a situation like this).

It's not how I want to live my life forever but it helps me cope with our situation. I would recommend you also think about what you need to feel happy in your life, I rely heavily on my friends for conversation and a feeling of connection. I am also trying to do things that make me feel better, without him.

It's not great, but it's better than being around him and unhappy.

I agree with mumble. You have to be honest with yourself first about what you need, and then with him. If he can't/won't meet those expectations, you might both be better off without each other.

This sounds very crap, SCNB. You seem like a normal, funny and engaging woman. He's being an ill-mannered pig. I don't care what his secret motives are: this is a relationship, not a war!

OK, if it's all kicked off recently you might need to wonder if his unpleasantness is a symptom of some curable illness, like depression or diabetes. Otherwise, call it a day. Life's too short.

YANBU.

The problem is that he clearly doesn't love you, otherwise he wouldn't behave like this.

I would end things and move on with your life.

I totally agree with Grace.

If he is normally a nice bloke who is considerate and loving, you could put it down to him being stressed/depressed.

But you say he has always been so rude and boorish. What has changed is you. You would put up with it when you were a young girl with no confidnece and didn't know any better. You have come out of your shell now and realise that this is not normal.

Imo you are flogging a dead horse trying to get him to change. It will be just a waste of time. You will wake up tomorrow and be 48 and realise that you have wasted your youth on a bloke who cannot be bothered even to say goodbye when he leaves for work for a day.

You are NOT high maintenance. Relationships are fundamentally about respect for each other, not contempt as he is showing you. Bollocks to it, you deserve a normal bloke.

Run for the hills hun. If he's always been like this, he's very unlikely to change. Relationships should make your life happier, not make you miserable.

OP, I have always been told I am high maintenance and too needy. I have also been told - not to expect any of that 'lovey-dovey' stuff, that real-life isn't like that in a marriage, stop being a romantic teenager.

I can understand that the more pressure you put on him, the more he will withdraw.

You can suppress all your feelings and emotions and ignore this behaviour. It will help if you become a robot also.

You will need to have other outlets - eg friends for the majority of your communication/companionship etc. Because you will have to change your natural personality to be successfully with him.

If you have a really thick skin and require no human interaction from 'your man', then I think you can do it.

A really thick skin to take the constant coldness, and hurtful stuff.

He sounds totally self centred and emotionally repressed. At worst he has a personality disorder and has no empathy and is all ego with no feelings for others.

As he has told you you are too clingy for wanting him to acknowledge you are alive I would say he is a lost cause and you need to find someone who actually likes you, as he sounds like he doesn't. Less than £30 for your Xmas present? What a mean shit.

See if you can spot him here

OP, how long have you been together? Is this a recent thing, has he always been like this as a person or has it got worse? Obviously he wasn't like this at the start.

OP, do you really think you would have got with him, at the start, if he was like he is now - even if you had lower self-esteem? From just my personal experience, you would not have. He must have exhibited behaviour which made you feel nice.

Does he like you?

Expecting someone to listen and respond to what you say is not in any way needy, it's completely normal. From what you say about your partner he doesn't sound like a very nice person at all. It seems from you have said that when you were younger you thought that this sort of behaviour was all you deserved, but finally you are opening your eyes to the fact that you do deserve a good relationship with plenty of fun and affection. I don't think it would be a good idea for you to stay in this relationship long term as I don't think he's going to change at all. It's actually great that you can see for yourself that this behaviour isn't right, because you won't accept it again in another relationship. If someone doesn't listen, doesn't cuddle you, and doesn't make you feel special, what's the point in having a relationship with them at all?

Is it possible to talk to him? He sounds like he is stressed/full of resentment and whatever the reason is taking it out on you - if this is in the short term. But you say he has always been like this - my experience is that someone is not normally like this at the start of a relationship, otherwise you would not have been attracted to him, the true behaviour starts to come out after a while. Maybe, as another poster says, you are less tolerant to it now as you have grown older,become more confident etc. Or has it got worse.