DH fancies friend - want to deal with now

[chocolatecar]

Name changing because I?m a wuss.

Going to try and keep it brief, but happy to provide any other info if required

Think DH fancies my friend. Nothing major, but he likes her ? I can just tell. Lots of various examples . He has been mentioning her a lot, and it just put me on edge a bit. Checked his phone as I know he speaks to her in a business capacity sometimes. Found h had text her about some medicine he was buying for me, that she had recommended. He has an iphone and I could see the conversation, and he tried to keep it going, by asking open questions. She eventually didn?t reply, and there is nothing more there

He has previous texting of another female history but over 12 years ago , we were but teenagers, not something I had even thought about until recently.

I don?t want him to start on a slippy slope ? how do I deal with this. My first instinct is to tease him enough that he knows I know he likes her or something. Don?t know but read relationships board enough that I should be seeing this as a good way to end this before it anything evening worth mentioning, and also our relationship will benefit from it.

I should add I?m not pissed off with him or anything, I understand this happens sometimes, I just want to make sure I deal with it correctly.

No you're not a nutter. Isn't that partly the way crushes work? Secretly hoping the person likes you and then you feel affirmed if they do & then you go back to reality and the crush may wear off. Hopefully it's that easy scenario.

Next time he mentions her, just say "Fucking hell, you say her name more than mine lately, got a little crush have we? Don't think I'm the only one who's noticed, she thinks it's hilarious too, bless you :)"

The fool. Seriously though, not much you can do other than tell him you know, and to pack it in, or to let him crack on with it - but only if you're confident your friend won't positively respond at some point.

He's not openly flirting. He talks about her in conversations enough that my attention is pricked, and then I found the text conversation. Which was just a bit over my comfort zone, enough that I want to take action.

Also tell him that everyone on Mumsnet thinks he is ridiculous. And your friend would rather stick hot needles into her eyes....

I think all couples should have a conversation sooner rather than later about how they will each deal with perfectly normal crushes or attractions to others. If you give eachother permission to admit them to eachother, you are acknowledging that the only crushes that are harmful are the ones that are kept secret and acted upon.

I'm sure your friend wouldn't betray you, but it is a bad sign if the fidelity in a marriage is controlled by the morals of the third party and not the main protagonists.

Therefore, I would have this conversation and also acknowledge that the period after a baby is born is a common flashpoint for affairs to happen. Perhaps tell him that you are feeling a bit vulnerable and have been thinking about what happened all those years ago.

And a [bear up] her foof

I tend to think assuming you're not generally a crazy jealous person which I can tell you're not . Well listen to your instincts.

I love Shewillbeloved's idea and he may well just look at you like you're mad and you realise you'd got it totally wrong.

* grrr

I am the Angel on your shoulder, of course

The Yin to OWO's Yang

or is it the other way round ?

agree about the extension actually.

He likes to like my friends/work collegues etc.

Hmmmm - o.k. going to mildly tease and mildly joke with my friend that I have it under control.

thank you WWIFN. Although think I'm now a little bit more on red alert.

I will have a think about how I want to broach it with him then.

"DH, if your out to fuck x, will you do it soon so that our new baby can call someone else daddy whilst they are young enough to forget you"

harsh?

yeah it should be

If you mention this to DH you may be inadverdantly planting ideas in his head.
You say do you fancy so and so? he says no....then starts to think, yeah, maybe I do actually. IYSWIM.
If you make a big deal of it, it may turn into a big deal?
Can you trust your friend btw?

oh I like custardo's suggestion.

I am the devil tongight. Anyfucker the position of Angel is all yours. Schnapps?

yes please !

Would say could trust friend as much as dh. She doesn't suffer fools, surprised she hasn't told him to fuck off. He's just at the ' could explain it away' text level though so she probably doesn't want to make trouble.

I know as another women she'll know though what dh up to And that makes me sad .

Yeah, I would feel pretty sad that my DH was acting like such a plonker too

I am also wondering if because of new baby he is feeling a bit neglected. Not excusing him but trying to work out why, what the trigger is.

Crush fine. Trying to push crush further not fine

a bit neglected ?

boo bloody hoo

DW is quite busy with new baby. I know I'll start making a cock of myself with her friend. That should get me some attention

OP, you are giving his stupid behaviour too much headspace. Tell him to knock the over-familiar, cringy texting on the head and get a fucking grip.

see... why when I say get a grip am I always told to be nice. Anyfucker gets to say it :( no fair.

[swigs schnapps and remembers pregnant]

Seriously, I'd tell him to realise what a fuck he's been and grow up and get a grip.

Ok at least I'm smiling af - progress in itself.

Cringy and overfamiliar are exactly how I would sum it up. That's exactly exactly it. Going to use that phrase.

I would agree with AnyFucker, let him dig a deeper hole and see what happens!

Sorry for thread hijack but I was wondering, OWO how is your neighbor's baby now?
Hope there was a good outcome.

OOh goody, I like to be quoted directly.

The Times did it once, but didn't name-check me.

Could you name-check me please?

AnyFucker TM

No not going to let him dig a deeper hole. Would prefer to try to resolve now. Agree it's all a bit crappy but currently it's all fixable. Will just be a little bit more wary.