What would you think?

[AlisonDubois]

today my DH was not wearing his wedding ring. According to him, it 'fell off in bed'.
He laughed and said he must have lost weight (he hasn't).
He claimed he had looked in the bed for it but no sign.
What is going on here?

Has he looked in the right bed?

Does he normally wear it all the time? (My DH hardly every wears his)

He wears it all the time, does not take it off for anything.
This is just so weird. I have also scoured the bedroom but no ring.
His behaviour about this is totally out of character....just do not get it.

Sounds like he is not bothered which would ring alarm bells with me.

Has he done anything else which seems suspicious lately?

If not, I suppose you shouldn't just to conclusions, but I do think it sounds iffy - generally rings do not just 'fall off in bed'. And why would he laugh about losing something as important (and as expensive!) as a wedding ring? Do you know when he stopped wearing it? Has he been on a night out lately or been away / anything else out of the ordinary?

His response sounds very strange.

TBH things not been going smoothly for quite a while now.
Sex is non existent, and he has not evn tried ti initiate it...always leaves it to me. He once told me that he only had sex with his ex when she started the ball roling because it was 'better than nothing' so he wasn't going to turn it down. this did not fill me with confidence. How do I know he is not doing the same thing with me?
Am pretty sure he was wearing it yesterday.
Is he up to something and this is his way of dropping hints because he wants me to find out?
Am really confused now.

We both have issues regarding trust as well.

well if it fell off in bed, how does he explain that it isnt there, and how does he know it fell off there, if it isnt there??

Poor you though.

I know. Would have made more sense to say he lost it at work for instance.

Alison I have seen your threads and your posts about your marriage. It often sounds as though you despise eachother, but for some reason, neither of you wants to bring things to a head. I've often wondered too if the behaviour you complain about in your H, suggests he is having an affair.

I think today's discovery is pretty significant and should be used as a catalyst to get to the bottom of what's really going on in your marriage.

You might have seen other posts from me about timelining when things got so bad and why. Sometimes things only start to deteriorate in a marriage when one of the partners meets someone new, but this is long before an affair actually starts. Behaviour worsens considerably however, when an affair is actually in full swing. The clues in this phase are also more obvious and more difficult to bargain away.

Now it could be that your marriage deteriorated for other reasons and you've both detached from eachother and he's now either having an affair, or hoping to have one. But I've lost count of the people who believe that their marriage has been shit and that there are faults on both sides, when it turns out that an unsuspecting spouse was merely reacting to cruel and distancing behaviour from a partner who already had one foot out of the door.

In our everyday lives we have become detatched but we do still have normal cversations about work and kids and the news etc. So we havent reached the rowing all day stage yet.
I can't help thinking that this ring business is his attempt to force some kind of reaction out of me....we do not talk about our marriage you see.
Also, he used to kiss me every morning before going to work....that has just stopped over the past few weeks.
We seem to have reached an enpasse where nether of us quite knows what to do next.
We just seem to have lost tryst and respect for each other.
I mean, I could very easily go to bed tonight and initiate sex, but there wouldn't be any conversation afterwards IYSWIM. Not like a 'normal' couple who would probably have a kiss and a cuddle and a chat.

Looks like he's heading out