I'm really upset with my MIL

[TS123]

My mother-in-law has a pet poodle that she takes with her wherever she goes - including to our home when she stays with us. Over the years I've had some concerns about hosting this dog in the same house as my young kids since he would display hostility toward them. So for a time, she wouldn't visit. Now the dog is aged - blind and deaf and doesn't react to anything - so he's harmless as a fly but it turns out he's incontinent. He's been incontinent on my bedroom rug, my new berber carpet in the basement, and who knows where else. . . When I caught MIL cleaning up after him on a recent visit she told me "it's no big deal. He does this all the time at home and I just clean it up". Now is it just me or would you not think that maybe I have some right to be upset? We are not pet owners, and if my own children had a pee on the rug I would be upset - let alone another persons' animal!! Likewise, if one of my kids had an accident on her rug, I wouldn't blow it off - I'd apologize and tell her I'd be sure that it wouldn't happen again. This is causing problems for me in terms of in-law relations and with the holidays coming up and the plans to host them at my house, I'm becoming less and less hospitable and it's affecting how I feel toward my MIL in general. How do I deal with this diplomatically?

Could one of your DC suddenly develop a dog hair allergy....

I think it would be unfair of your MIL (on the dog) to haul it off to a strange-ish house with loads of people, when it's incontinent, blind and deaf. Perhaps you could use that as a basis for your argument?

It would be kinder to have him put to sleep at this point. :(

There is no way on earth that I would have someone bring an incontinent dog into my home. That is completely unacceptable. I would not be capable of diplomacy under these circumstances either.

What on earth does she do with the dog when she goes shopping or to visit other people?

She can't expect other people to put up with this.

I love dogs, but wouldn't want someone else's incontinent hound peeing all over my house. It's unreasonable of your MIL to expect you to put up with this, even if she does clean it up.

How about insisting it wears a dog nappy in your house?

second the nappy idea. My MIL used one when her elderly dog became incontinent.

So the dog is blind, deaf and incontinent? And she drags it around with her everywhere? Poor dog :(

I had a lenghthy message and it disappeared.

We had a cat, Phoenix, who went from a robust 21 pounds to a very thin 6 pounds in her old age. She lived to 18. We euthanized her. She was deaf, blind, (those were not a problem), but she took an aversion to her litter box and peed and pooped on the floor. She peed on carpet until we blocked all that off with gates. For about 18 months my DH and I cleaned that up. Very tiring.

It wasn't until my son and family visited and he said our house reeked. I honestly didn't know.

We euthanized Phoenix and probably should have done it many months sooner.

I bought a steamer and steamed under mopboards and cleaned the floor as good as I could. We may have to replace carpets yet, but my local son and DIL say our house no longer smells. They didn't want to say anything.

I think MIL's poodle should not be allowed in your house. Who would think that reasonable? The dog can be boarded.

I would say how distressing it must be for the dog to be surrounded by strange noises, kids etc when it is so old. Say that you really think it's unfair on the animal and that it is starting to make you uncomfortable to see her treat the dog with so little empathy. That oughta do it.

I think most vets would recommend a blind, deaf and incontinent dog should be put to sleep. It has no dignity and can't have much of a life.

I don't know how you say this to your MIL though.

I wouldn't want it in my house, and I love dogs.