Am sick to death of men

[scaredoflove]

Well, maybe not totally as I would still like to have someone

Brief history - divorced 12 years ago. Had one relationship 5 years ago but turned out he was already married but I didn't know for 8 months. 2 years ago, met a man that kept me hanging around telling me he wanted a relationship but hardly contacting me, everytime I said, this isn't working lets move on...he would tell me all would good, fine and dandy. It wasn't so stopped contact. He still pops up occasionally but I won't be going there again

So, in the summer met a nice man (it seemed) on plentyoffish. We moved from email, to text, to phone calls. Met him for a brief coffee 4 weeks ago and continued email/phone etc.

We are both very busy with work so didn't meet again but chats were pleasant. He tried to make a second date but our free days didn't match up

Then I hear nothing for a week. Text him couple of times but no answer

So I sent an email asking for a reason, no big deal but being ignored is not nice

He replied... his wife's mother has passed away and it had thrown him a bit (he's a widower) Needs to take time and restock and review his life and apologised for not responding and he will be leaving POF while he has his mini break down

All of that is fine with me and can understand why this has sent him on a bit of downward turn...

BUT he has been on POF ALL bloody day! Why can't men just say, don't want to date you/met someone else. Why lie??

Am sick to death of not having someone to date, share things with. I'm lonely and bored. No matter where I meet people (real life/web) they all seem to be damaged arseholes

I'm overweight (but getting smaller, and lots of men won't look at a fat bird. I'm attractive, smart, independent but that's just not good enough it seems

I'm fed up with it

Don't be looking on POF for a start- it's mostly middle aged blokes after a quick leg- over isn't it? Try someplace where you are likely to find a higher calibre breed of male...

You are not sick of men. You are sick of the wrong men.
To be fair it doesn't sound like you gave the last guy a real chance, if neither of you would make time for a date.
And he most likely has not been on POF all day, he may have left it open in his browser. Would you want to be with someone who was on a dating site all day anyway?
I met my dp on POF and it's early days but we're very happy. My best friend, who is the one who convinced me to give it a whirl, isn't having any luck as she expects too much imo. She too sits and analyses why a man has been on POF all day without messaging her, and in one strange episode, got peed off because he had messaged us both (his first message to either of us it has to be said) on the same day, and she said she expects that if a man is messaging her he shouldn't be messaging anyone else. Madness.
If you are doing internet dating, go into it with no expectations. Don't get jealous or posessive, go for a meet fairly soon after you are interested, and take it from there.
If you are lonely and bored, you are not in the best place to meet someone anyway. Go out and get a life before expecting to find someone to share it with.

I have a mostly full life - I go out at night, I love my work, I have good friends. I'm lonely from not having some to share my life with, it's a different type of lonliness - surrounded by people but still lonely

I'm also the least jealous person I know. I don't care that he has been on POF talking to others and to me, I've done the same. Perfectly happy to not hear from someone for a couple of days and don't get wound up by people having their own life. I emailed him as it was out of character so far, not going to send someone a text if they don't want me to. Not meeting was difficult, I agree but he was out of the country for work for 10 days of the month and I had meetings all over the country. That was unfortunate but that's what happens when two people have to deal with their careers

What has pissed me off is the 'I'm leaving this site' then not leaving. If he wants to chat/meet others then good for him. Why not just say so

He probably wanted to let you down nicely, maybe meeting up was hard work so he is trying to find someone more available.

Should have started with join the club, btw. POF isn't the place. I'm on it and think alot of them are just out for what they can get. I haven't got passed a second date with the last two, one I am still in touch with, though. I don't know what the answer is. I too lead a full life but would like to meet someone just to date/nights out as I'm past 'going out with the girls', not too much to ask is it? Oh and I'm slim .

I stopped reading when I got to '....plentyoffish'. That site is an virtual meat-market. I genuinely think that for every decent, single, sane man on that site, there are 100 attached, or sex addicted men who are too cheap to pay for it.

If you are willing to do so, it might be worth investing in an 'exclusive' dating agency.

Good luck!

I agree Surrey Amazon. I don't go on pay sites as I have better things to spend my money on and live in a rural area so not many people around here on the 'exclusive sites', but beginning to see POF for what it is. By all means chat to and meet people off it but tread with extreme caution.

Not sure the pay sites are that much better tbh.

Guardian SOulmates is the one I have heard the best things about (one friend of mine met her lovely now-DH on there).
I can;t give you a personal recommendation for a site as I don't date - but in general, be wary of coming across as desperate, and be even more wary of being desperate. It scares off the nice blokes and is dangerously attractive to the awful ones.

Yes I know a few people who have met on Guardian Soulmates, it's a good site. I got scared off it when I had a nosy as they all seem too high brow for me. My lifestyle is a little to edgy for the types on there .