Don't Hit My Mum - effect of DV on kids

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Just saw this excellent programme Don't Hit My Mum with Alesha Dixon looking at how DV affected her life, and meeting children, adults and even perpetrators to find out the truth about DV. Her mum's partner used to beat up her mum apparently. There are some really sad bits - the little boy talking about watching his mum and baby sister being thrown down the stairs for example :( But I thought it was a really good film, talked a lot about how it's not just physical abuse, but emotional, wearing people down etc.

Anyone else see it?

I meant to add that I also feel lucky to live at a time when women are encouraged to leave a situation like that. If I lived at a time when the social message was that the best thing for dcs was to stay with H, whatever the circumstances, I would probably have stayed that bit longer, which would have sapped my confidence so much that I could have ended up staying forever.

nickname i wonder if the social message inst still about "staying together" though. tehre is a lot of daily mail (and lets face it they have big readership), Tory governemnt propaganda about marriage vs feckless single parents still - the message is still out there that single parenthood is "wrong".

i dont think the message is out there - tho maybe there is more support and help than previously.

you only have to read on here posts from people who are having a awful time yet still question whether it would be best for DC to stay or go....

certianly it took a fantastic counsellor for me to able to realise i had a choice to make and that the choice to leave could be better for the DC than staying in controlling/abusive relationship. on some subtle level i had persuaded myself that i had to wait tilt eh DC were grown up....which would, I see now, have been the worst thing for them.

there is lots of social messages - that any parent is better than none etc, and not enough focus on how damaging a "toxic" or abusive parent can be...a lot of focus on "absent fathers" and damage done; and not enough messages about the long term impact of a child growing up with warring parents or an abusive parent.

I see what you mean, cestlavie - there are competing social conditions and it definitely depends which forum/newspaper you read. However, if I compare the situation now to when I grew up (Ireland, 1980s), at least I see some progress since then.

I also needed a counsellor saying that she would have to report my dd as being at risk before I truly realized that leaving would be in her best interests.

At least mumsnet tends to be a voice of reason on this issue!

social messages, not conditions.