Long distance relationship..... thing

[myheadisconfused]

Semi regular, namechanged for this for fear I may incriminate myself

So I've been seeing someone for a couple of months. It's been intense and powerful, and it's a love thing

He lives an hour and a half away on the train, neither of us drive - we sort of take it in turns to visit each other, and have managed a remarkable amount of actual time spent together, considering the distance.

When we're together... ahhh, it's pretty fucking perfect. But when we're apart - it's completely different. I turn into this pathetic, needy twat, over-analysing everything and obssessing over everything, and it's hateful. I hate myself for it. (I'm not like this to him, mind - just to myself).

Is this a distance thing? Or am I doomed forever to feel like this unless I wind me neck in?

savour it all...every drop....compare yourself to couples who spend so much miserable time together

You. Are. In. Love.

Firstly, am so glad for you, finding love in your life.

Intense powerful positive emotions somehow always are accompanied (for me anyway) with intense powerful negative ones - a bit like those cartoons with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, both whispering in your ears!

I think it just goes with the "first flush of love" territory, the doubts and fears, everything is so suddenly different, amazing and terrifying.

Try to just go with the flow, have a wonderful time, and hopefully as your love strenghtens and you feel more secure, the madness will pass. Enjoy ....

(just a little bit that you are much closer to your long distance love than i am...)

Oh I am savouring it... truly, I didn't think I could be arsed doing this again But I'm happy. When we're together.

toomuch, I had forgotten. This is normal, right? It is utter fucking madness, it's true. Sorry about the distance, where is he?

Superb!!!! You have the essence of life. Enjoy the ups and downs...all of it...

I was about to tell you to hedge your bets emotionally but what the hell....enjoy

So that's all it is then. Just the love thing? Thank fuck for that, I'd forgotten what it felt like

have fun ! ....

omg...I could have written that a year ago. DH completely rejected me, this guy kissed me and I melted...I was so utterly in love...my head knew it was a bad idea but some primeval thing kept me craving him.

We had amazing times together...and of course amazing in bed...chemistry was unbelievable. But when home, I obsessed, worried, OMG...basket case. But I was reading about big passion which apparently is characterised by "anxiety and obsession". Made me feel better anyway.

When that crazy stuff happens, you can't control it...it is really out of your hands. It is also an incredible experience that some people actually never have. You lucky thing.

One piece of advice: don't text after midnight and never quiz him too much about his life...just fix yourself a really intersting life and enjoy....hahaha (can you tell I've been there done that?)

3 years down the line...I realised I could never have him...he loved me but has too much baggage and commitments. So now we see each other now and again and revel in it. But the crazy stuff has gone. I'm kind of sad for that, but it does make life easier. And I still get a thrill to see him...never goes away completely.

by the way, this was not long distance...but we weren't able to just meet when we wanted thru various commitments.

One thing I would say is try and suppress that horrid needy side...I hated feeling so needy...when you feel like that pull the battery out of your phone and hide it. Having said that, he knows I was like a bloody puppy dog running after me, but he still respects me and loves hanging out with me.

I'm waffling...but this little fling blew my mind, blew my marriage (good thing!) and was one of the best times of my life. Oh yeah one more thing...write stuff down, keep a diary...it helps to sort your head out...plus its very funny to read afterwards.

1 1/2 hours is not long distance. Different continents is long distance! Have been happily married for 2 1/2 years after long distance relationship and it is brilliant. Long hours on Skype helped, and to be honest I think all the talking we did when apart helped our relationship enormously in the long run. But anyway, if 1 1/2 hours train journey feels unbearably far away then you're definitely in love!

I agree that 1.5 hrs is not long distance. My friend had long distance- guy met on internet- he was 9000 miles away for 2 years.
When I met my DH we were 2 hours away by car. met only at weekend for 3 years. I didn't obssess like you as I had a busy job and friends Monday to Friday. We did split for a few months as i was getting sick of the distance- but the root problem was his lack of commitment.

In your case, I don't think this is a distance issue, it's more of an out-of-control love feeling.

oh pp, please tell me your friend's 9000 mile LDR had a happy ending, please! for the sake of my sanity! ....

My last boyfriend was about this distance away and we were also nuts about each other but the head banging thing went on continually (for me anyway) and altho I tried really hard not to let it spill over - it did - and I eventually kicked the relationship because I couldn't handle it. Then after a year of seeing another guy (also relatively same distance away but in another direction) well, he was a different person and I didn't experience any of the anxiety I felt with the former one. So there WAS a reason for my feeling so unsettled. Often I would post on here and most were very helpful, but the passion thing I felt for Nr. 1 was so fierce I kept contact with him, just Hi's and How are you's and he swore he still loved me and missed me etc. I didn't pursue it as I was at peace of mind and enjoying the stable relationship with the new man. Then I did the unthinkable and I met with him just the once and it sparked all the fires of hell up again and we got back together. I faded the nice guy out in the nicest possible way, (all this being so out of character for me, always been the loyal one man at a time type). Almost immediately I was back in the looney bin with him again. Yes, the passion was still there but the mountains of disturbing insecurities he brought out in me, well, what can I say... So I knew that for my own benefit I should finish it and be on my own a little. Meanwhile the nice guy pushed his way back into my life and I can honestly say I have begun to see the light and feel happy and content with him. He's lovely and I don't have this 'what if's' clouding my thoughts and I am getting on with this relationship in a proper manner and I am so glad I did. There was something I could never put my finger on, and it ate me up constantly. That neediness and that sick feeling of needing his physicality consumed me on a daily basis. I couldn't help it.
But with my present man, there is stability, there is security - emotionally he is very supportive and makes an effort. Sometimes you meet these people and they bring out all our weaknesses and reduce our strength and it shouldn't be that way.
I am a lot happier now. Contented.
I know how you feel and you have to look closely at what it is that is not right - why you feel like this.

toomuch- yes it did- after 2 years of flying half way across the world every few months, they are now both in the UK and looking to buy a home together. It helped that his permanent home in the UK was near my friend when he was on holiday here.

awh, that's great to hear!

I am exactly the same OP and my guy and I both live in the same city!

It's terrifying realising that you care about someone and the feeling of vulnerability is really scary.

I have been making myself properly crazy over this person (luckily I haven't let it show to him). It's torturous and delicious all at the same time.

I think it makes it worse if you have natural control freak tendencies.

I'm another one who totally tortured themselves at the start of their relationship. It was amazing - fell intensely in love - but there was a hellish aspect to it, created entirely by my own brain. I kept convincing myself he didn't really like me or wasn't that into it. Worried about how I compared to the ex. Would go to pieces if I texted and he didn't text back. I just felt like this big bottomless unfillable pit of need.
About the only thing he did "wrong" was not be that forthcoming about his feelings at the start.
He says in retrospect he would have done that bit differently to make me feel more secure more quickly. He had no idea how I was suffering! Very comfortable talking about it now, two years on. So take heart, it does get better.

Just imagining that any second he's going to call it all off - actually playing out the conversations in my head. Excrutiating!!

Also, massively overreacting to totally innocuous things. E.g. the text I sent him last night: it wasn't a question, it was a closed statement, so if he didn't reply it's probably because it was late and he couldn't think of anything to say/didn't really want to get into a text rally (which I understand, neither did I really). YET I still slept with one ear open for the phone, waiting for him to text back and had nightmares about him cheating on me when I eventually did get to sleep (although I think that was actually more to do with stuff that's been going on with my best friend and this girl who has a crush on her DP - something which has been on my mind lately).

Anywayyyy, I digress. I haven't been tempted to check his phone or anything - I definitely don't have trust issues in that respect, he's very open with his phone, facebook, etc.

It's just this constant voice in my head going 'don't get too used to this, it's all going to end soon, don't get too attached, good things don't happen to you, other people are happy and have families, you're going to die childless and alone...', etc, ad infinitum.

I just thank god I can come on here and be crazy so that I can continue the semblance of balance and normality in front of him!

Wow, sorry this was long.

WhyDidILook I've got a right insecure streak which can also manifest itself as jealousy. But I'd never had it that badly in the past, which I think was due to the fact that I'd left a long-term partner of seven years for my new DP, so the stakes were enormous and I was also under huge stress/guilt/grief from the break-up. Actually thinking about it, it should have been a disaster!
Also I was 33 when we got together and I think much less blythe about things than it my twenties, and far more aware of the consequences of life choices etc.
Thinking back some of the thoughts were horrendously painful. I felt.... not good enough. I constantly worried that he was just with me because I'd made myself available, but would rather have someone else. And I felt horribly ashamed of myself for having these feelings, and really defective. To the outside world, no-one would have guessed, people kept saying he was lucky. I didn't believe it (I still think I'm the lucky one but it's coming from a happy place now).

Enjoy it. Before long you'll be picking his underpants off the floor and wondering why you bother.

Lol @ cumbria