My friend is miserable in her relationship

[myhandslooksoold]

I was talking to my really good friend last night and my heart broke for her. I think in her heart she wants to split up with her partner. Briefly, their relationship is really fragile and while she loves him she does not feel he loves her back. When she accidentally got pregnant with her DC initally she thought she should have an abortion because the relationship was not great and not what they wanted in life. He persuaded her not to. She now has a child and said to me last night she wished she could go back in time and advise herself not to listen to him when he said he wanted the baby because she thought he lied. Anyway, I digress... she said that one of the reasons she was reluctant to split up with him was because she felt she now had "baggage" (i.e. the baby) and therefore no one would be interested in her.

I really don't want to see her waste more years with him and it's awful seeing her so miserable. I'm not going to barge in there and start encouraging her to break up with him- very much going to concentrate on listening rather than giving her advice.

However, just wondering if anyone who had experience of life on the dating scene when you have children could give me any words of wisdom. Is the reaction from prospective partners postive, negative or neutral? My friend is in her mid 30's.

Lots of people with children go on to have new relationships. It's a rather different ball game as a single parent but dating etc is not closed to her.

If it were my friend though, I would advise her to not focus on whether her baby may be an impediment to starting a new relationship, she needs to focus on whether she wants to stay in the current one and if not then to focus on startinga new life with her child. Th other stuff will fall into place but she is getting ahead of herself.

yes thanks Limez that's wise. I feel like I need to have a plan in my head of what sort of questions to ask her to help her through this.

Just bumping this for any more advice- I'm planning on phoning to see how she is later

hi
just wanted to let you know i met my dp on a dating site only went there 2 initally chat to people at the time i had 3dc under 7 and was 6 months pg wiv dc4 i obviously had more "baggage" then your friend and met a wonderful person who i am in a relationship now so it is very possible
the only real advise can give is like limez said to focus on starting a new life with her dc first as i have found out its not the dc's who are the baggage its the emotional and mental attitude you bring to the new relationship in comparrison the child part is the easy bit
a warning is though in the beginning you can become an "easy target" for some awful men out there and in the begining it can be very daunting but it can be worth the perserverence (sp)
hope this helps

yes thanks luvsgonszo thats great advice many thanks