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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

want to move on!

13 replies

threejs · 21/09/2005 22:01

I was with a man for 15yrs living with him had 3c 1dd 2dss we was very happy which i thought, then i found out he was taking drgs tried to help him get though while helping him i moved in with my with my mum and dad with my 3c and lefted him in the house we shared, i couldn't stand it no more he was selling our home to feed his abbit i still helped him and brought the 3c to see him done his shopping everyweek and made sure he was ok. then 18months ago he moved and met someone else even when i was still helping him. i moved back in the house we once shared with my 3c. he has been living with this other woman for the last year but i find it very hard to move on. in the mean time when he is happy with the other woman he don't even want to know my 3c but when things go wrong he gets in touch he has done this 6xs in the last year. he keeps promiceing my 3c that he is coming back then goes back to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
threejs · 21/09/2005 22:11

any ideas of how to move on!

OP posts:
Jackstini · 21/09/2005 22:21

Threejs - you have taken the first step by admitting you want to. By this post it sounds like you don't ever want to get back together with him and your relationship as partners is over. You need to make this your decision as sounds like he either has no idea what he wants or wants best of both worlds, which he can't have.
Next step is deciding how much contact you want him to have with the kids, and if this needs to be officially agreed &/or supervised depending on his situation/how you feel.
You don't say if there are any financial ties between you but if there are sorting this out will be a major move forward. Once it feels like you are doing something practical & tangible, your emotions will begin to move on too. Good luck

Original poster
threejs · 21/09/2005 22:33

thanks jackstini just what i needed to hear, still feeling sad about it all.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 22/09/2005 10:18

Of course you will be, that's normal. No-one goes into a relationship hoping it will fail. You gave it your best shot but sometimes these things happen. The great thing it you recognise it is time to move on and are willing to do something - well done & keep me updated!

Bugsy2 · 22/09/2005 10:25

wow threejs you have had a tough time. I think you need to stop helping your ex, given that he has chosen not to be your partner anymore. It sounds to me as though he is using you as a fall back option when he has no one else to turn to. It would seem he has no intention of really coming home, so it might be worth explaining to your children that daddy is not realy sure what he is doing but that they shouldn't get their hopes up about him coming back.
I think you are doing really well, that is alot of "stuff" to have dealt with.

mummy23 · 22/09/2005 23:29

How are you feeling today threejs?

You need to think about your children! i know you deserve to be happy but i'm sure you will be happier without him in your life (espeicially if he is choosing the drugs over you and the kids).

I hope you can move on and enjoy life while you still can!

TC

mummy23

(BTW I think i know who you are???)
Is your Dp name M**?

Original poster
threejs · 23/09/2005 01:27

feeling fine today thanks! yes my dp is m i do say to kids not to listen to him but he always wins them over, he promice's them all the time it will be different and he really misses them. if you know who i am you will know the latest even while in there he is not even keeping in touch with the kids, i feel really sad for the kids so thats why i will not let it happen again i have promiced myself this. thanks for your reply! i am going to keep smiling

OP posts:
mother3 · 23/09/2005 13:17

So sorry to hear that a man who was surpose to love u could treat u and your 3c the way he has.He seems a very selfish man.The only way to move on is 2 forget about him and create a happier life 4 your self and 3c so that if u r happy u wont want him back 2 destroy u all over again.Have u got close friends to confide in how u feel.Perhaps u might meet some 1 else when u really have moved on who would treat u and 3c with love and respect that u all deserve.No one deserves 2 be treated like a door mat or 2nd choice when his plans dont work out.BE STRONG .
MOVE ON.LOL GOOD LUCK.

Original poster
threejs · 23/09/2005 19:33

i am trying to move on, i have one very good friend but the trouble is she is with the a**eholes brother aithough i do confined in her i fill she as enough problems of her own i hope i don't bore her with my problems, it as been the same thing for the last year. but she as been there for me. when i need to talk about anything she always listens to me, most times i feel better after talking to her.she makes me feel there we be a life after this!!!

OP posts:
mother3 · 24/09/2005 16:09

u need another out sider if you have the same probs with your sil if she has got the same probs as u they must have had a good up bringing . Do u get support from family.U might not relise this but people can drag u down it seems the probs r in the family.give each other suport and u both csn rise above it.

Original poster
threejs · 24/09/2005 21:14

we do give each other support, i dont think i would have made it this far if i didn't have sil(my dearest friend)it is so easy giving each other advice but it ain't so easy to act on it. i know i can do better in life and i will!!!! i know it's the right thing to do, there will be no going back, and i feel i can be strong!!!! it's just so hard to let someone else in i don't trust no one at the moment. and thats what i am finding hard to deal with i don't want to be on my own for ever and at the moment that's all i see happening. but i do know mine and my 3cs life's are so much better without him in it!

OP posts:
kid · 24/09/2005 21:27

Hi, (I know you too)
Have you heard from M lately?
While he is away, take the opportunity to go out and try and get on with your life while you know he can't turn up when he feels like it.
Remember you did meet someone you got on well with once before so it coud happen again when you least expect it. I'm sure D doesn't mind you talking to her, she knows what you are going through as she has been through lots too. I do think the pair of you need your heads knocking together though!

threeboys3 · 25/09/2005 15:19

Take a look at the life you had with dp, the life you have now (without dp) and what it was like when dp popped in and out of yours and your childrens life over the past year. If you have down days, think of how you felt! Time is the greatest healer. You will move on. You will be happy. How long it takes is down to you, isn't it!?!?!

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