Found my dad on facebook, should I add him?

[kittya]

He looks so old. Bad divorce and my mum has never got over it. I saw him on facebook afew weeks ago and Im wondering if I should add him? I dont know how she would feel about it. After all these years, she's still talking about him.

Tell her you've seen him?

Presumably he could also look you up if he wanted to as well?

Thats true. He is a friend with his own immediate family which is why I saw him. God, Im in a funny position she still bad mouths him (he was no angel) and yet she wants to know everything he is up to. These are my role models!!

I havent spoken to him for years partly because of my loyalty to my mum but, Christ, he's an old man now. I keep seeing his profile picture, in my mind.

You could be my own dd a in a few years time!!

I know the dc are curious, but courts even ruled he should stay out of their lives. But, kind of in preparation for what you've discovered, I have secretly blocked him!! ( when their account was left open and they had gone out of the room!!)

I have told nobody this in rl!!

Add him? What, just add him?

Or do you mean get back in touch and possibly rebuild the relationship?

If the former, no - what would be the point in that, just a silly, empty gesture, but if it's the latter then yes, if YOU want to. Forget about your mum, she'll just have to suck it up. You have every right to pursue a relationship with your father if you want to. Her relationship to him is entirely seperate and her issue to deal with.

I always think the one who rejected the other last should be the one to make the first move personally, so if you told him where to go and he respected that and you want to have some sort of relationship then add him x

I have a younger relative who's mum had a terrible time with her father and now, because of facebook, she is in touch with him and its caused so much grief. Basically she became his friend on there and now she has loads of half brothers and sisters she or her mum never knew existed!!

Mines different because they are all pensioners!! I just think that although my mother has moved on she still wants to know my dads every movement and, basically, I cant be the informer. I just want to know how he is!

thats a good idea. I dont like having too many relatives on my fb page anyway but at least I know how to get in touch now.

kittya, as Limez are you just 'adding him' or is this you trying to get back in touch with him?

Try and speak to someone close to you first or even seek professional advice before making any moves.

I say add him! do you need to tell your mum? he is your dad after all! :)

When was the last time you saw him? How was your relationship before and since the divorce?

about four years ago. He always worked away. He was a good father to us but, not a very good husband. Should never have got married but he did at 18. The usual 70's macho man. He cant display his feelings unless hes pissed. We dont have an awful lot in common. My bloody mother has never stopped going on about it. Even though she has moved on.

Its all very draining

Well, if he was a good father to you, then I don't see why you shouldn't try to renew your relationship. Talk to your mother and tell her that you understand that she and your father divorced for a reason, but that you would like a chance to try to repair your relationship with your dad.

Yours and your dad's reationship is separate to your dad's and your mum's.