Is he ashamed of me?

[itsnotmorningyet]

Not quite sure where to start. DH & I have an OK relationship- we have some things that we both agree we need to work on.
Tonight he met a friend for a drink. This friend lives a couple of hours away so they don't meet up that regularly. I was chuffed that DH was going out as he works very hard and seldom goes out.
He's just got home and it transpires that the friend he met had his girlfriend with him and there was also another couple there. Another bloke was supposed to turn up but didn't.
I asked why I wasn't invited and his reply was that he just thought it would be one other couple plus the other male friend.
This got me wondering because 1) I would LOVE a night out (DS3 5 motnhs old and not been out yet) 2)any of our social arrangements revolve around my friends I am never invited out with his mates, plus we have argued about our social life before and it only ever includes arranging things with my friends and their partners.
In the 8yrs we have been together I barely know any of his friends, I'm never invited out (I don't mean on lads nights out I mean when partners are going too).
I don't get it. He swears he's not ashamed of me or he wouldn't have married me so why am I not allowed to join in his social life when I allow him into mine?
disclaimer I'm not talking about having nights out without partners I'm quite happy for him to have nights out without me I just don't understand why he won't introduce me to his friends - we have 2DC and are married FFS!!
He must be embarassed of me or ashamed of me yet when I ask him he denies it and, like tonight has stomped off to bed leaving me upset.

I agree with oldlady. He may be worried that there will be clash of personalities as you say you are quite fiesty and passionate whilst he is staid and serious.

He is probably worried that there will be some sort of personality clash or argument (particulalry if his friends happen to be fiesty too). If this happens he will be concerned that you will not want anything more to do with his friends and will give him a hard time when he want to spend time with them again.

I have a few friends I would never dream of introducing to my DH as they are fiesty and passionate (as is my DH) and I would be worried about potential arguments and not be able to relax. I would always be on edge and feel the need to smooth over any disagreement. (I am the more 'serious staid partner in marriage). I have explicitly told my DH this, whereas it seems your partner might be worried about how you would react to it.

You say you have met a couple of his friends, be happy with that and be happy that he has a good scoial network of friends.

girl in the group he's either having an affair with or fancies?

Unhelpful did

We are in our 30s/40s. No none of his friends have settled down nor have childre.
I think hariboegg has it spot on - he won't take the initiative with his friends. Sadly this is becoming more apparent in different areas of our relationship.
Don't think its to do with not wanting me to meet his friends more that he doesn't seem to know how to arrange it. Seems obvious to me though, you just ask!
No not another woman, would truly amaze me if there was! I think its more simple than that - he just doesn't initiate anything so unless I arrange for a night out with people (which he enjoys) then it just doesn't occur to him to include me.
I hate it though, would like just the odd night out with his friends- he knows all my friends so well it seems odd that I don't know his.

If it was just certain friends he didn't introduce me to then I could assume it was a personality clash or something but I don't know any of them!

Sorry to have to say this, and I don't want to upset you. But my ex-h did this to me for years.It turned out that he was cheating on me. I am not saying that your husband is doing the same, just that be aware that it could be why. How often does your dh have these nights out without you?. X-h did increasingly towards the end and would say anything to cover up, no matter how awful. Even saying it was because he was embarrassed I didn't drink and also that he was ashamed of my lack of intellect
You do need to find out the reason, especially since he isn't telling you.

It is a bit odd that this has been going on for 8 years. I wonder maybe if it's down to your H having very traditional views along the lines of a woman's place being in the home once she has DC - you have become 'Er Indoors and therefore you should be indoors, while he, the man, has the social life.