Sad...History repeating it self.

[kukucherry]

My mum gave everything she had to be with my dad, she let herself go while he maintained everything he had. She lost incontact with her family because of him.He never stood up for her when his family mistreat her eventually she lost her life due to lack of taking a good care of her health......sadly this didnt stop me from making the same mistake.

I lost contact with my family because they didnt approve of my husband.I do everything to keep this relationship, i spoil him , he doesnt do much for me but i always belive if it comes to him doing something for me he would.But the last 2 years proved that is not right, i needed him so much to support me emotionally but he just keep coming short, never goes to mile to please me or to show me he cares, he tells me he loves me but only words.Now he comes up and says he wants to leave because he cant stand all the horroble things i say to him, and says to me life is much more than me and our child.

Once again i am left to pick the pieces while he enjoys having no responsiblity.

He says he doesnt want devorce but if i want he doesnt mind, and tells me if i change my behaviour we might be together but he wont wait forever.

I am lost on what to do, please HELP.

If you change your behaviour ?
He was coming up short before this wasnt he , i think id tell him to fuck off out if he feels like that .

Then again , me being cynical would be very surprised if he actually went , its probably an attempt to manipulate you into spoiling him more. Dont.

ring women's aid, and get yourself some coucelling from your gp x x x

What horrible things have you said to him?

I'm not really sure what has happened here. Has he left you? And your child?

If he doesn't want 'a divorce', does he want to divorce him?

'you' to divorce him. Sorry.

Thank you all for response. The horroble thing he says i have said are that when i am speaking to him and he doesnt aknowledge i even exist i say hurtul thing so i could get his attention, things like you are not being a good father ..so and so is a good father and husband.

I caught him watching porn while i was pregnant, when i was in hospital, he has signed to website for singles. Regarding this i have said some awful things like he is a dirty person.

He has left but says i can devorce him if i want to as he doesnt mind which ever way.

He wants to be free and says he never paid any sacrifice because he knew we woudnt last...but why make me pay the prices then.

How awful for you.

When did he leave? Sorry, I know I keep asking questions, I just want to get a picture of what's going on here.

If he's left, what is it you are trying to achive? Do you want him back?

go and see your gp and ask for some counselling, this on top of your mother is a lot to shoulder alone!

Its okay Mouthface, he left already but whenever we meet and talk he talk down to me as if he has no respect or like he is fruastrated that i didnt decide to devorce him.

Do i want him back... i dont know , i love him but i know if it its going to be like this that he always come first and anything else second, no i dont want but i dont want to make the same mistake again so i want other people's input as the first time i was hard headed and look where it got me.

Mummiehunnie I was seeing a councellor, but i was discouraged by him as he says he has seen no differnce and just because you talk to someone doesnt mean it will make any difference.

What i am confused about it should i file for devorce or not. It seems like it make no differnce to him.

OP he has told you he doesn't want you. he is a crap partner. take this oppportunity. don't mourn teh relationship you never really had. leave. and get that divorce now while he is being so agreeable because sure as hell if you don't do it now and then meet someone else he will suddenly change his mind and refuse to give you it. get out now and cut any ties. have you got children?

has it made a difference to talk to us here? I counsellor will support you through a life trauma that you are undergoing, you have not got you mother and you have had a hard time in the past, he is not around anymore this time you would be having counselling for YOU! and I am sure You will notice a difference...

don't worry about divorce just yet, go and get practical stuff sorted first job centre, wa, gp, cab...

booyhoo thank you for your response. We have a one year old child. I was thinking of cutting all ties for a couple of months then see how i feel, as for now he calls and then i get emotionally and say something and he continues being cold towards me so its like a roller coaster.

He has no bond with his son. He doesnt enjoy spending time with him.

kuku

I'm sorry that your relationship has broken up. I doubt very much as if there is anything left to fight for going off how you say he is treating you.

If it were me, I'd get myself financially sorted best I could, make sure I had somewhere to live, seperate bank account etc.

Make sure you are independant.

And for what it's worth, don't worry about the divorce until you are in a position to want or do so.

Let him divorce you if that's what he wants. Just make sure that you and your child are safe and have a roof over your head etc.

Once you are settled, then worry about access, money for the child from him etc.

And I have to agree with Mummiehunnie that going to see your GP for a referral to a counsellor, would be a good move.

None of this is your fault. Not from what you have written here. Sounds as though he never really wanted to be with you for the long term anyway. Sorry.

i understand how very hard it is when you love someone who is so cold towards you. all you want is for them to suddenly say 2i'm sorry and i do love you and i will change" but honestly OP i don't think he will. i know it is so very painful to accept this but i really think for your own emotioanl well-being that you need to accept it is over and make definite plans to move forward. if it was me i would file for divorce. the fact that he has suggested it shows how little he cares about teh relationship that he is willing to leave this in your hands. get the divorce now while he is agreeing to it. i do suspect that he will suddenly get jealous if you meet someone new and he will change his mind about allowing teh divorce. he will of course be able to see his son unless he poses a threat? but it is up to him to maintain his relationship with his son.

Thank you for the advice. I agree with all the suggestion given, its just i get so desprate when he is around, thats why i am thinking of the no contact thing.

i do understand that. it is very hard to see him. just make sure you don't cut him from your son's life. your son has a right to see his dad. maybe you could arrange for a relative to be there when your husband wants to see your son?