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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I give in ?? Any advice welcome !

5 replies

Manda25 · 18/11/2010 15:42

Background:
My sister's husband is an arse. Never liked him but got on with him for sister and her kids sake. 4 months ago he did something (or rather said something) unforgivable about me in front of his kids (did write about this some months ago if anyone remembers - but had thread removed because it contained too much details).
This resulted in considerable problems in their relationship which are still not resolved ..(and brought to light problems that had always been hidden from the family) but have resulted in 'on going talks'. I have not seen or spoken to him since (refused). I believe he is emotionally abusing my sister. I have continued to be supportive towards my sister - and see her and the kids regularly...in some ways this has made us closer because she has shared her thoughts and feelings ... something she never really did before...however..

It is becoming more difficult not to see him. BTW he has NOT apologised for his behaviour and i get the feeling that he doesnt even understand why he should! Xmas is coming up, family meals etc .. I dont want to 'give in' but it is making it really difficult for my sister and the rest of my family. I dont want my sister to feel in the middle. Sorry I am rambling a little ... what do i do ?? or what would you do ?

OP posts:
Tikitikitembo · 18/11/2010 15:56

Um no idea, it sounds hideous. I hope someone who has some ideas comes along soon

bump

Manda25 · 18/11/2010 21:14

I hope so Tik !! Doesn't look like it though.

OP posts:
Frizzbonce · 18/11/2010 21:44

It does sound hideous especially with the 'festive' season on its way. Are you the only person in the family who sees this man for the arse he is or is there anyone else who feels the same way you do? Can you muster any family support - without making your sister feel like it's 'them' and 'us'?

And when you say 'give in' do you mean that if you meet him in a family setting and don't say anything about the incident, he'll think you've forgotten all about it?

MimsyRogers · 18/11/2010 21:54

What did he say to offend you so much? It's really hard to gauge without knowing. If it was me, I think I would agree to see him on family occasions, just for the sake of family unity. You wouldn't need to actually speak to him as such. But maybe if you had a chance to tell him what you think, it could clear the air and you could all move on? Can you just accept that he is an arse, and you are never going to like him, but just co-exist? You are still there for your sister when and if she needs you.

AnyFucker · 18/11/2010 22:41

you need to give more information, tbh

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