My sister is a similar age to me (33) and whilst I am lucky enough to have a DP and DC she is single and very depressed and convinced she'll never meet anyone. She also had a stillborn child and had to go through it alone as she was going to be a single mum.
She is popular and pretty and practical and a very good friend. But has v low self esteem and says things like ' I have never met a man who really wants to be with me' or ' All I want is a baby' 'No one has ever loved me' and other such wallowing in self pity stuff. And I don't mean to sound so unsympathetic it's just with that attitude she won't meet anyone. And it's just not true - it's just how she choses to portray herself.
Also it's not like I haven't suffered as many women do with unsuitable parters and self-destructive behaviour. But I decided to do something about it and I had therapy and changed my patterns.
Anyway - this could turn into a very long thread. Her baby died 3 years ago - she is better in that she isn't totally grief stricken, but she still 'goes' for unavailable men and I am at the end of my tether. When I speak to her I end up so frustrated and it's my fault as I say things like 'do some exercise'. If someone said that to me I would want to punch them!
I would really like to change this dynamic and also to be able to help her in some way. I don't know - does anyone have any experience of something like this? Someone you love so much who is so unhappy and who refuses to help him/herself but also how should I act and how can I stop trying to 'fix' her? I don't think she wants my advice yet I can't stop giving it to her!