Those of you with difficult parents, how do you 'do' Christmas?

[happystory]

Just looking for some coping strategies really.

I live 300 miles from my mother and see her about 4 times a year which is enough! She has always come to us for Christmas (her house too small and it would be purgatory there) and we'd much rather stay at home anyway cos of the dcs. My single brother lives abroad, is sometimes here, which helps jolly things along, but it's generally just us and will be this year.

Thee have been a few incidents with her this year that have left me fuming and things have been a bit cooler between us. She's getting very crabby and mean about other people, interrupts constantly, and other mumsnetters will recognise her 'if it's in the Daily Mail it must be true' mentality.

I can't NOT invite her, I couldn't live with myself, she'd be all alone, but how do you get through the festive season whilst actually trying to enjoy it yourself just a little bit?

I know one of the answers is 'wine'!

is there anyone else you could invite for the day to dilute her a bit?

(local Big Issue seller perhaps....)

and sherry!

Ignore and don't engage. Let her ramble on. After all she is one her own and you have your DH and DCs.

My MIL and her mum are like this. We crank the radio up engage with the children and busy ourselves with the preparations with the odd 'hmmnn?' 'how lovely' 'what a shame' 'more wine?' thrown in their direction.

More people. But we tried that with my Dad and he was so insulting to them (while trying to be 'jolly' which was worse) that I have never again tried to see anyone else at the same time as him.

Pour wine into her. Usually that sends people to sleep.

Write yourself a schedule so that you always know what the next thing is. Include plenty of things that are a) tiring and b) don't involve nose-to-nose interaction, e.g. midnight mass, Christmas morning service, long walk, cooking, washing up, film (would suggest Gone with the Wind, it's the longest). Agree a rota with your dh so that you each get some precious time in the kitchen away from everyone else. Go to bed early early early, get up late late late.

Oh, save prize crosswords as well, they take ages. Say 'mmm' to all Daily Mail opinions and change the subject to Oven Pride or similar asap.

Thank you, it's nice to know I am not alone!
It's clear that humour is the answer, and a positive approach, or you get dragged down too.

I will mutter 'do not engage' like a mantra while slurping Baileys

it's amazing what you can endure, one year we had great granny change her mind about eating with us so MIL had to drive her back just as we were about to dish up.

They must have thought it would disrupt our day but MIL returned to find the rest of us 3/4 of the way through our lovely meal and much happier for her absence. Dished her lukewarm plate up with a big smile!

Another year great granny decided to share the pecking order of her favourite GGDC. Mine weren't mentioned at all and my clever DS piped up - 'we are in the room you know!' Diplomacy from a small child severely lacking in an adult (albeit pickled adult).

Ha, good for your ds! Perhaps we should join forces this Christmas!

it's only one meal isn't it? Just delight in your DC. She doesn't have any power to ruin your fun unless you let her.

This is why I am so thankful we are within travelling distance of the GP's. Much though I would rather stay at home, it is far easier to go to them for a short time so I can run away leave when the going gets tough.
Hardest is the Ex MIL (dc still have good relationship with Ex GP's which is the ONLY reason I subject myself to this) as she only gets worse with alcohol and SIL has been known to get pissed and/or pour wine down the sink in order to stop MIL consuming all of it herself.

So I bite my tongue for an hour or 2 and then leave with a sigh of relief. Much preferable than them descending on me and not being able to get rid of them.

My ex MIL had all her ex-husband's crimes written in blood on her memory and she would trot them out every christmas, along with who had died recently and who was failing generally and having a miserable time or who had recently discovered a 'lump'. She was a one woman misery memoir. So one year a cousin gave her a quick toke of a 'herbal cigarette'. Five minutes later she was stuffing her face full of chocolate and a minute after that she was snoring loudly. Bliss!