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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

venting off!

6 replies

thomasinaticklemouse · 18/11/2010 10:16

My husband and I have been having a rought ime recently and last night he told me to leave and said we should consider separation. All I did was ask for support in some areas of our relationship, mainly to do with MIL. I wasnt baiting him, but he flew off the handle and became quite arrogant towards me and told me to leave (I didnt, and he says he is sorry) Things are okay this morning but he still insists on discussing things like this in front of our 10 month old baby. He admits he is not coping very well, but says he loves me and has apologised for last night, when he wouldnt let me go to sleep (i was exhausted) and I was afraid our baby would wake up. Is this bordering on domestic violence? As I came to the point late last night when I said he needed to stop or I would have to phone someone for help. I was so desperate I picked up the phone to phone my parents,and the he said if I did that then it would all be over. I didnt phone them partly because I know they would be very shocked, and also because I didnt want more of a commotion that late at night. I have tried to help my husband but we have lost what brought us together in the first place and havent been intimate for months. This probably isnt helping matters, but if he continues to do this to me, then there is not way we will get that back. I need to know how to help my husband, I love him but I am scared when he is like that.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 18/11/2010 10:39

Honey, if he is preventing you from sleeping, you are asking him to stop and go to call your parents, and he tells you if you do call them for help, it'll be over...

You need to tell him that there is no way on earth you are leaving with your baby in the middle of the night, but he is welcome to go anytime.

He has no right to control you, deny your sleep, and tell you if you don't like it he'll end it.

This is Emotional Abuse plain and simple.

If that were me, I'd be angry, very angry indeed and he'd be told in no uncertain terms that if he ever did that again, his stuff would be flying through the windows in bin bags.

You say he wasn't always like this, how long HAS he been like this? Since the baby?

Got you where he wants you, trapped, and now he can call the shots?

Bugger that! Put your foot down. NOW

dignified · 18/11/2010 12:26

Denying someone sleep is a typical action of an emotional abuser, as is the rest of the behaviour you describe , telling you that its over if you phone your parents ect. This awful behaviour should not stay private , and do not be complicit in keeping it a secret.

This behaviour often starts after a baby as your sort of " trapped " . Be warned , it often escalates. You can not , and should not , attempt to " help " your husband , but you can help yourself by telling your parents whats going on and getting some support.

manchildmum · 18/11/2010 12:32

This is how my H started it gets worse. Deal with him now, don't get like me.

dignified · 18/11/2010 12:34

How are things with you now Machild ?

manchildmum · 18/11/2010 12:42

I'm ok I updated the thread last night. I'm speaking to someone in a bit about my "issue".

dignified · 18/11/2010 12:58

Good , im glad to hear that , ill go and have a look.

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