How do you deal with a narcissist?

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I've been wondering why a certain mum irritates me so much and have come to the conclusion that she's completely and obliviously up her own arse. The medical term is narcissism.
She basically comes across as nice but I always feel drained in her company and try to actively avoid her - difficult as her DD and mine are good pals.

I just feel like a sounding board for all the great and good that she does and how her life is so busy and important. Her conversation never changes and when another person appears in the company she repeats everything that she's just said. If the conversation is steered away from her, she just grabs it back to focus on her.

If you happen to have an interest in something different to her she'll discuss why she doesn't do it rather than why you do. She's always suggesting that people go on holiday with her and her family, even ones she's only just met - as if she can't bear to be alone without an audience.

Helllllllppppppp. I sound really shallow myself but I get annoyed with myself for getting irritated by her. I don't wish her any ill will I just wish she would go away.

you could have a bit of fun here with her not to hurt her, just to reassure yourself that you are right about her, to keep yourself safe around her, and to keep your dd safe...

I would slowly back away, flatter, flatter, flatter, listen with a smile on your face, flatter, flatter, flatter... get your dd other interests away from her dd, flatter, flatter, flatter, back away...

What you want to avoid is narcacistic rage for you and your dd, they plot revenge... do not share that you think she is npd to anyone or say anything bad about her, you and dd will be victims of her rage if you do, just back away, flatter and you and your dd hang out with regular people, thank the lord that you were wise enough to realise she is not right and be busy, busy, busy when flattering, flattering, flattering her...

Oooh, sticks in my craw to flatter constantly though. I usually have a fixed but wain smile on my face and try not to say anything too sarcastic.

Say 'oh really? that's nice for you, must dash, toodles!' and leg it.

She sounds like a bore. But clearly has shite social skills.

Anyway, avoid her and always have an excuse to shoot off soon after she approaches. You may find you're meeting an old pal for coffee and mustn't be late (that'll be mning then)

Mummiehunnie - you sound like the voice of exerience

Eeeugghh...I married one, so no advice really but walk in the other direction. They are horrible soul destroying soul destroyers. Yuk yuk yuk. And SO boring. I moved hundreds of miles to get away from mine.

You should NEVER give a stigmatizing medical label to an individual just cos they annoy you!! (Has she ever told you she has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist? )

How would you like it?
She clearly irritates you so don't spend time with her. Just drop off DD at hers and leave.
TBH she could just be very lonely with poor social skills (it's easy to become self-centred if you live alone).
If you want to remain friendly then do her a favour and (gently and politely) correct her behaviour by saying 'yes i do remember you telling me about how well you did which is great, now lets discuss something else'.

I suppose you could try 'you are obviously a very proud mum, it must be great for your DC having you sing their praises all the time - I'm more reserved don't you think even though I feel the same about my DC? Funny creatures aren't we?'

See what she says.

Talk about yourself and see how she reacts.

She sounds fairly narcissistic to me (though strictly speaking 'narcissist' isn't a medical term)

I say just steer clear of her.

All right I shan't call her a narcissist then just a bore (especially since narcissists never admit their condition). She is married and works part-time.

I concede that I should just avoid her though it's difficult as we live in a small community and I prefer to get along with people as not.

It is totally boring and tiresome to talke to someone who just talks about themself the whole time. I know someone like this and I have lost interest in talking to her as she never asks about my dc etc. it is all about her dc. Lack of interest in other people is a turn off.

As your DD and hers are good pals, maybe just polite, limited interaction with her so that you do not end up feeling 'drained' from communication with her. If you don't need to talk to her to make arrangements for your respective dc, without being rude, keep your interaction with her to a minimum, or not bother at all.

Agree with the back of slowly. If she is a narcissist (and I mean that in the layman terms) she will go for the jugular if you make too obvious an exit and being on the receiving end of a narcissist's rage is no fun!

She sounds like my SIL :-( I avoid like the plague!! Think I am also working for one too - help! I'm bit worried now about the narcissist's rage some posters have mentioned - what exactly is that like & how best can I avoid it?

Yep, if you have to be around her, 'manage' her. Pile on the flattery as soon as she claps eyes on you, if not before. You can quiet down afterwards as long as she's been 'fed'. In fact, you'll probably find that, once you've fed her and asked a leading question about how wonderful she is, she won't notice if you never say another word. Take a crossord or something

Just don't expect to ever have a meaningful conversation with her! I agree with mummiehunnie, it's best to avoid triggering rage & revenge and you haven't got to live with her, so keep her sweet at minimum cost to yourself.

Feel sorry for her DCs :(

Be pleasant. But be brief and very busy. Byeee

ok, lets think of some famous character to give you an idea of a narc rage... Archie Mitchell, Jeanine Butcher from Eastenders... the bad person in psychological thrillers, they play mind games and want to hurt and destroy... yep there sadly really are people like that in real ife, apparently 1 - 10% of the population in varying degree's of it, some are all about looks some are all about mind games!

Am a bit scared now - what is narcisstic rage then?

I am sorry for her DCs coz all they want is her time and she blusters about saying how busy she is all the time and most spare time is spent doing stuff for herself. What little time she does spend with them she makes sure everyone knows about it and how they all had such a lovely time together.

Wow, how did you two manage to post in reverse order?? Very impressed

Like mummiehunnie, I've known more than my share of Narcissists (self-obsessed nutters). What they can do, as punishment for some perceived slight, beggars belief. As you can't make a permanent exit from her life, it's safest to feed and retreat as advised.

Blimey - shall tread carefully then

I know someone who stonewalled every single conversation with a "yes" "no" and "ok" and gave me no personal details about her life at all ever. She was a lovely lady, and one of life's genuinely nice people, but in the end I resorted to talking about myself and anything/everything to fill in the gaps!

Now I spend 8 hours a day talking to other people about themselves(which i love) and rarely talk about myself in general, but I found this relationship quite difficult.

You sound really sociable and normal, and it's probably you are right, but it might be she is just trying to keep the conversation going?

Oh and she mumbled lol! Which didn't help

I've sat back and observed her in a crowd of folk to see if it was just me but as the conversation flowed you could visible see her itching to jump in to revert it back to her, effectively killing it.