dp lost job and is down, how do i keep going?

[toofattoparty]

Name change cos i post a lot here. DP has lost his job 5-6 weeks ago and is getting really down about looking for another one. How do i keep the family going? I have tried to be cheerful and upbeat but am pregnant and face working up to 39 weeks (I'm 34 wks now) in order to try to give us a chance of mat pay lasting longest.
i am knackered as work is really busy and trying not to lose rag as DP is continually saying how down he feels, emotionally exhausted with applying for jobs and just wants a rest.
I know how difficult it must be having lost jobs myself in the past and I know have to be supportive bcs if i have a go at him it'll only make him feel worse.
but i am beginning to lose some respect for him when really down, and am trying not to resent having to be supportive about this while i am working my backside off so we have some money coming in.
i hv suggested he goes to see the doc if continually feeling down
feel stifled as i cannot tell anyone how i feel without sounding like i am criticisng him or doing him down. is selfish but really feel am keeping everything going at moment.
i don't know how i can cope. any advice?

Hi toof - Sorry your husband has lost his job. Considering the economic climate and jobs market I think a lot of people are in the same position. I can sympathise with you - about five years ago my DH was made redundant. I didn't work so we were totally reliant of his income. He applied for about 200 jobs - the majority of which recruitment consultants didn't even reply to. It is very disheartening and I am sure your DH is becoming depressed.

Depression makes people feel tired and negative. I tried to keep my DH boyant and positive even though money became very tight and, in fact, put us into quite a bit of debt. In the end he accepted a job that was way down the scale of what he was qualified to do, but it was in his industry and once he was employed, all sorts of offers came his way and he managed to work his way up again. Now he is in a good job that pays well, but like most positions today, there are no jobs for life and he could easily find himself unemployed.

It is a pity that you are so close to giving birth and you must be awfully tired picking up all of the slack. You must not get stressed. Try and calmly tell your DH that you need more help around the house now that you are the one working. Encourage him to apply for just about anything he can do to get him back into the jobs market. Sometimes you need to take a few steps down to just get back in the door. Crazy as it seems, employers appear to come after those who are already in jobs for some reason, rather than those who are not.

You have not mentioned that you have sought assistance from benefits as this may help your financial situation until your DH is employed again - it is worth a try to see what help you can get.

It is a hard place to be and I wish you and your family well.

Can you encourage him to become more of a house-husband in the next few weeks, as well as looking for jobs. Just doing something useful will make him feel less stressed.

If it's possible, get him to call employers direct rather than rely on agents who are just after making their commission rather than helping people into work. Get him to read one of the job-seeking guides like (I think) What Colour is your Parachute?

Sometimes job-hunters can go about it the wrong way, but it depends on what he does for a living.

dh really needed help with finding some direction when he was made redundant - some practical diy stuff that kept him busy while giving him a mental rest and time to get his head around it all.

Thanks for all the good advice. Posted at a bad moment when was feeling just could not go on being cheerful forever. But have gone home and am trying to encourage DP again. Completely agree with idea of getting DP to do stuff but he has always refused to do DIY saying he just doesn't have the knack. So I need to find something else to suggest. Also diff to come home to messy house and not sound totally stroppy if ask him to clear up after himself.
Will buy him that book too.
Understand how diff it is, just sometimes don't feel have energy to carry on being upbeat all the time. Sorry - am also terrified baby will come early and have nothing sorted. Just have moments of wanting to run and hide myself as well and can't talk to friends or family