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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

confused :(

3 replies

jdmummy · 16/11/2010 12:07

(excuse me moaning) i just dont know what to thing anymore. Although i was in a relationship with my now x partner when i fell pregnant he has messed with my emotions from the day he left (when i was like 8weeks preg) after ignoring me for months even when i sent him scan pics etc he decided he wanted me back so me being a lonely single mum thought it would actually work, but after a month back together he decided he wasnt ready for a relationship which although not happy about thought maybe it was for the best. we decided to stay as friends so he could support me with the rest of my pregnancy and birth aswell as always being here for our daughter but now it seems im trying and trying but with no responce, i know he hasnt told any of his family that im pregnant :( im suffering really bad with depression atm and all i want is to feel a little supported yet i seem to get none, my pregnancy has been a little complicated and each time i get myself all worked up just to see my consultant incase she gives me more things that they are "concerned" about. so here i am at 30weeks and feeling really lonely as i have no friends near by who have children i just dont know whether to try and speak 2 him or just to leave him alone and try and do this alone :S any suggestions plz x

OP posts:
podsquash · 16/11/2010 12:13

wow, you are really going through a rough time. I wish I had some answers for you, but all I can send are hugs. Sounds dreadful. I hope you and your daughter can find some support from somewhere - maybe there is a parent support advisor or a health visitor or someone you coudl speak to? As well as Mumsnetters, of course. Hugs.

Emjxxx · 16/11/2010 12:32

Hi, I'm replying because I just wanted you to know that I have read and I really feel for you. I was in a very similar situation a few years ago now and I sooooo wish the choices I made then were very different, if they were I wouldn't be going through the crap that I am.

I have a very jaded view on this because of what I am going through personally, so my opinions I think will be very different to many on here..... but here goes.

your XP sounds like a twat! If hes the sort of flighty person to not stick around whilst you are pregnant, is he really going to be there once baby is born? Have you thought about the future, what might happen if you meet someone else? what happens if XP meets someone else and obviously decides he wants this person to be part of your childs life. How will it feel if you move on and meet someone who is a good father figure, but you still have XP floating in and out of babies life and causing problems (serious problems, maybe) How will you feel if you don't meet anyone but your XP does and wants that person in the babys life, even if that person is as much of a twat as your XP??

Everything I have just said I will be thrown to the wolves for as most on here are of the view that a child has the right to a relationship with both parents (I'm not) I'm of the view that if a parent is a complete let down, is inconsistant, is a compulsive lier, is manipulative has no moral fibre whatsoever that that sort of a parent is NO GOOD and a child is better of without them.

It is completely up to your if you feel very strongly that your XP should have a relationship with the baby and visa versa in which case you will have to put up with this person being in your life for the rest of your life.

If I was in your position (my old position) I would run to the hills, move as far away from XP as I could and raise the baby by myself, I wish I had done that instead of feeling obligated to giving my baby (DS1) a relationship with his completely useless let down of a father.

jdmummy · 16/11/2010 13:16

i decided that my sons (i failed to mension i also have a 2 yr old boy as my rant was about my daughters dad haha) father is best off out of the picture until he can be consistant as he constantly upsets my son. i dont want to do the same with my X but i cant allow someone to upset my kids as they are my world. as for the questions they seem to be what im asking myself constantly and it doesnt bother me if he finds a permanent partner but i am very careful who i let see my children as im a very big worrier :S fank u very much 4 ur advice was very welcomed :D xx

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