Another starting a new relationship thread

[AnneBowling]

I've just started a new relationship and the chap I'm seeing works shifts, nights, weekends, etc (they work in the NHS). I don't for a second think he's seeing someone else or that there's any duplicity going on, but it means that we only get to see each other about once a week. There have been a few weeks where it was twice, and I've stayed over at his at weekends.

However, this means that it seems to be difficult to get the "momentum" where typically when I've started going out with someone, it's been once a week, twice, three times and building up, and this isn't happening. So, it feels that we're seeing each other, rather than making that leap to DP.

It's been about two or three months now, so there's no panic, but I wondered whether anyone else has faced this problem.

What's the problem? I don't see one.
He works shifts and if you want to continue to be with him you have to accept that that won't change. He probably needs time on his own to unwind which means that seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week is just about right. If it's a problem for you though, there's nothing wrong with having a talk about wantign to spend more time together, just be prepared for the answer to be 'no'.

Boo, it's not a massive problem, as I say, it's about once a week (rather than two or three times a week).

It's certainly not a problem I'm tearing my hair out about, just I think we're struggling with the "momentum" required to get from seeing each other to DP because we don't see each other that often.

THe answer may not be "no" just its not physically possible.

I used to work shifts and starting work at 7pm really does fuck with your social life.

There are quite a few of us in this position now!

my blokey/fling works nights, he starts at 10pm and doesnt go to sleep til 7 the next morning, its very frustrating!

once a week would not work for me after 3 months of 'seeing' someone. Like Boo says, have a chat and see if it would be possible to see each other more but if not, you need to decide if that is going to be enough for you.

I'm not overly worried about it, it's only three months, but just struggling to make that leap to DP I think.

How's your going?

That should be how is yours going, AGBU?

I think a chat might be on the cards, but we get on really well, and it's no fault of his that we can't see each other more often.

Well you knew what the deal was when you started "seeing" him I guess, so I don't know what you expect him to do?

Working shifts, or away, or long distance is a pig for new relationships, been there and done it! But I had no issue from transferring to "seeing" to dp.

We couldn't see each other daily we just got used to it as that is what the relatiosnhip was going to be like until we decided on going further and living together.

Er, mine's a bit up and down (see the other threads!)

Emmy, I don't expect him to do anything, he's a doctor in the NHS and so, you're right, I know he works long and varied hours.

I just wondered whether anyone else had had a similar problem. I'll have to see how things go, and then have a chat, thanks.