Am I right to feel upset about this??

[frazzle26]

My bf of 6 weeks came over last night. We hadn't seen each other for 5 days due to his car being off the road (hit by a drink driver whilst parked!!). Having no transport and working 7am-7pm shifts meant he couldn't com over which i was fine with.

However, he got his courtesy car yesterday and came over at about 8.50pm and brought a change of clothes etc. We watched a film and had (what I thought) was a nice time. When it finished as about 11.10pm he just turned round and said "sorry babe but I think I'd better go home and do some study". (He's studying for a degree part time). He's also a real night owl due to working shifts and is often up half the night and sleeps during the day.

I told him I was unhappy with this but we didn't have a fight. There was no changing his mind though and he left. He said he might come over tonight or tomo but there are no firm plans as yet.

He hasn't even bothered to send me a nice little text to say he had a nice evening or to say goodnight when he knew i was upset. I didn't get to sleep until nearly 2am because I was really upset about this.

Am I right to be upset or am i over reacting??

I'm in a similarlength relationship and the neediness and paranoia in the OP shocks me. How long have you been single before this OP? I have been on my own 2 years and only now feel ready to date, and am confident enough in myself to not play games or overanalyse. Reeking of clinginess will (or should) turn any good guy off

Listen to Sparkling.

Make him work for your attentions a bit more. IUf he can't be arsed, then he's not worth it, as they say.

When I met DH we lived a long way from each other so only say each other on a Friday and Saturday and then as time when on we met up once in the week too. He was also studying and I still feel it was a bit my fault that he failed his first lot of exams though he said it wasn't. I just wanted to see him all the time. I was a lot more understanding when he studied again and he passed that time and we have now been married for 11 years.

Don't make this a big deal.

I would love to offer some words of advice or comfort but it's obvious from my thread about my own 6 week old relationship that I am completely clueless about this stuff!

I can imagine just how you're feeling though. And I sympathise. It's horrible feeling like you don't know what's going on.

However, listen to SGB - she speaks sense.

As a man I can only fully applaud SGB's clear words...
It's been a long time since I was free and out on the dating scene, but if anyone seemed upset that I would need to go off and study after I had gone to see them as soon as I got my replacement car, I'd be thinking they were borderline Fatal Attraction material.
For those of you saying 'Dump' I think it's the man who wins in that case.
Seriously - relax, enjoy and see how it goes - far too early to be staking any sort of claims/priorities yet.

Listen to SGB - she speaks the truth!
I don't think you should ever question whether you should be upset about somethin if you are - that way lies madness. Just accept you're upset and examine why. It doesn't necessarily mean someone else is in the wrong. In this case, I would suggest it says more about you than him, but only you can know that for definite.
I spent 7 years in a relationship where I was told that an emotional reaction was a weakness and I was illogical and my feelings weren't justified. You can toture yourself if you go down that road.
It's actually immensely liberating to shrug that off and just feel whatever you feel and make no excuses. As long as you couple that with the knowledge that you're the only person who is responsible for those feelings. You can choose to talk about it or walk away or just wait a bit and see what comes next, for example. And if sometimes you're a bit mental, well then so be it! Who the hell wants to be perfect anyway?

Excuse the typos there

SGB I

Some interesting points here and I think that some people (I think you know who you are) have been a bit harsh. I don't think that I'm a clingy person, I only wanted to see what people thought and I value your input. I'm certainly not going to go crazy just because this has happened once. Putting it into perspective, things have gone really well up to now. I guess only time will tell now.

Will keep u all posted.

no

The thing that leaps out at me from your OP is that you made it clear you were "not happy" when he said he was going home.

I can understand being disappointed, and even wondering whether he was really that arsed when he hadn't seen you for so long. But I think it is odd for you to have been annoyed, and even more strange for you to have "made it clear" that you thought he was in the wrong.

If you act as though spending time with you is an expectation he must meet (a chore he must perform), rather than a pleasure you both enjoy, he will come to see it that way.

He doesn't owe you anything, not even a night together after an absence.

Equally you don't owe him (never mind ALL men, who apoarently can't win) anything, not even forebearance if he's getting on your wick by showing up with an overnight bag and then going home to bed.

I don't think you are being a Klingon (@ SBrass). You have been dating for only 6 weeks, which in my humble opinion (as a serial dater)means that you were looking forward to seeing him and munching on some cock after a 5 day haitus. Nothing wrong , or desperate about that. The fact that he brought over a change of clothes indicated he was going to spend the night.

I don't believe he had to study. You'd be very hard pressed to find a university whose resources aren't online. All you need is a desk, some tea, notepad and access to the net.

Something must have happened between 8.50 and 11.10 to make him up and leave. Are you right to question this? hell yes! You posted here only to lend voice to your intuition which is saying there is something amiss, or that you missed something.

Hypothetically speaking, if you two had sex, he might have then decided he wanted to sleep and wake up in his own bed. Is it a bastardly thing to do? maybe, but to some people, it is acceptable.

Give yourself time to learn him a little better, and with time, you can decide what you will accept and what you will not.

SA

Bf rang last night and we had a good chat. He apologised for monday night and said that he felt that he'd been a bit out of order. I'm fine with this and looking forward to seeing him tonight.

Well that's great, but don't ignore your instincts, they are really important at the start of a relationship.

Good luck with him.