Ex wants to do the same things as I do with the children

[cutupmum]

OK last week I took DD to a private view of some paintings by a friend near DS uni hall and we had a lovely time and saw DS for a nice chat and went out for a meal though DS didn't come to the meal as he went out with his uni friends.
Today DS says his dad (my exH) has arranged to take him and DD to the same small exhibition and a meal tomorrow, regardless of the fact that DD has already seen it, it is a school day and DS has back to back lectures on a Tuesday and loads of essays to hand in.
I think the ex is quite simply motivated by jealousy and competition here - he cant stand the thought that I have had a happy time with the children. Am I being unreasonable to feel outraged and to wonder why on earth he cant take them out at a weekend and do something different?
What should/could I do? DD lives with ex H so he has the upper hand.

what strikes me here is how lovely it is that your ds is happy to talk to you about what he is doing with his dad. I have never voluntarily mentioned my mother to my father or vice versa since the day they split 17 years ago, I hate doing it and hate them making any comment on each other.

Could you not take this as 'ds loved the exhibition I took him to so much that he asked his dad if they could go again'? Even if it's not true?

What is this about the 'upper hand'?

It sounds like one to let go, for me. but I don't know the background.

So your son didn't go to the viewing or meal but your ex wants to tale him? If he is at uni he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want too.

ex has basically told my son that he is being taken out to a meal with DS and exH -son isnt going to the exhibition, he finishes lectures too late on a Tuesday.

It doesn't matter what motivates the ex. If he's anything like my ex it's simply down to lack of his own ideas. Looking at it as a competition, if you thought of a great thing to do with them and then he does the same, he'll always be playing catch-up. But you'd do better to ignore what he's up to and just keep on thinking of nice stuff to do with your children simply because you want to spend time with them. Next time you hear he's tried to play copycat just say to yourself "ach, silly man". He's not worth more headspace than that!

Oh, and if your DCs are anything like mine, they'll eventually see through the games and spend less time with him anyway.

Stop seeing this as a competition and trying to work out who has the upper hand. Have a good time with your children because you love them and want to spend time with them, not to look better than your ex. If your ex does the same things with them as you, that is between them and him and is not really any of your business. They are clearly old enough to express their own preferences.

You took the children first. If they're a it bored, it'll be the time they go with HIM.

Let it slide.