dh fallen off the wagon - dont know what to do

[bealzebub]

since friday. he has just been in a sozzled state.
all dc's crying and dh too, apparenlty. on friday.

he is out of work, for a month now due to redundancy and i dont know what to do.

i should be sympathetic but what next?

call al anon for advice

I'm sorry to hear this. I know it can be awful. What happened to make him decide to go on the wagon in the first place?

have a read of the games people play, reading alcholic will help, ie not being the one to put him to bed, the one to tell him off when he has a hangover, not to be the one to give him money to buy the drink etc.... if that is too hard for you to stop playing the game, al anon is a good way to get a stop gap, thing is al anon is not a forever solution as we all know, you and he need to stop playing the game, and look at the real issues you both have!

best of luck x

bealzebub does he have an alcohol problem? and if so, has he previously had any help for it? Does he acknowledge that he has a problem, and is he willing to get help?

Yes, you should be sympathetic about his work situation, but alcohol is not the answer, it will only make him more depressed.

You could speak to al-anon 02074030888

thanks. he had a crisis earlier in the year and has been dry since june ish.
i knew friday was different. it has been hard with him out of work. i dont know what to say to al anon

at the moment i cant talk to him. he wont rspond to me, he didnt earlier in the year so i involved in his brother. however this episode has only been since friday. so rather short i thought to inovlve his brother.

he saw the gp after his brother talked to him and she put him on medication. but thats all. he did stop. and he went back to work, after a month off. 2 weeks drunk, 2 weeks getting over it.

bealzebub

I think if you were to phone Al-anon the words would come to you. Not knowing what to say to them is actually not a reason.

Some GPs are not of much use unfortunately when it comes to alcoholism.

You cano involve as many people as you want but it won't ultimately make a hill of beans difference. Unless your H is willing and able to accept he has a problem there is nothing you can yourself do to help him. All you are currently doing is enabling and that helps neither him or you (it just gives you a false sense of control).

You and your children cannot go on like this; you are all currently being dragged down by this man. You as his wife are also on the merry go around that is alcoholism; you need to get support for your own self and that is where Al-anon comes in.

You need to remember the 3cs-

You did NOT cause this
You CANNOT control this
You CANNOT cure this

he is meant to be on school run

i havent gone in today, thought i could help, i nearly did (to work that is>>

but tomorrow is a different matter

Why should you be sympathetic? He is doing what he wants to do. Rather than do something productive with his time he has chosen to abdicate himself from the real world and drink himself stupid instead.

To be frank, my sympathy lies with you here. You didn't choose this. He did. Your decision now boils down to whether you want your children to continue witnessing his drunken arse behaviour or for him to move out until he dries out.

I also second the recommendation to call Al-Anon. There is also a very good book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie that is specifically written for people who are caught up in relationships with people who have drug or alcohol problems.

Can I third the Al-Anon suggestion? It absolutely turned my mum's life around when my late step-father was drinking. It literally turned her from being utterly downtrodden and depressed with the whole situation to a strong woman who dealt with it in a totally different way.

I can't praise them highly enough.

I think your children need help, and Al-Anon is the best place to start.

I read on another thread on mumsnet about the Sinclair Method - google it - seems to work quite well for people who have moderate to severe alcohol problems - completely different approach to AA and the rest - but the proof of the pudding, as they say.

Being pioneered in Finland and gaining acceptability elsewhere - although UK as usual lagging behind.

Many people seem to fall off the AA wagon whereas with the Sinclair Method, you do not have to give up alcohol, you can carry on drinking but it loses its appeal (or at least the appeal of being drunk).

I am going to suggest it to a lovely friend who has a serious drinking problem and has tried all the other stuff.

thanks.
i did email al anon who very kindly emailed me back.
the gist of which, apart from their suggestion of attending meetings, is ignore him, dont shout or talk to him when he is drunk and to prioritise myself and my family.

Sorry to hi-jack but tadpoles, the drug used for the Sinclair Method is Naltrexone and not licensed in the UK for alcoholism, only opiates. You could suggest Acamprosate (Campral) to your friend, it works in a similar way by reducing alcohol cravings. It has worked really well for me so far (on it two weeks).

Attending Al-anon meetings and listening to more experienced people will help you to deal with the problems and "prioritize yourself and your family".

I don't know of any other solutions. Why not give it a try?

Sorry to hear this has happened Bealzebub.

Do get yourself to an Alanon meeting. It really does help, I honestly think it saved my sanity in the past.
Good luck.
x