I am in a big mess here!

[Corri]

Could really do with some advice please. Separated from dh 4 weeks ago although still existing in same house as he is currently refusing to move. Have been relentlessly pursued by om I see daily and who I know professionally for last 10 days.We have known each other for 3 years and while there has always been a strong mutual attraction this is not the reason for my marriage ending. He is aware of current situation and says he can wait (though I doubt either of us can). Am dreading/can't wait to see him tomorrow and if we do get together before my official separation/divorce it will put us both in a really awkward situation professionally. I feel I am hurtling towards something I can't control.

well don't get together before your official separation if that's what you think

Oh dear. Getting together before you are separated will complicate matters. Even if these feelings weren't the cause of your split with dh, it will look to dh (and family and everyone else) that you are leaving him because of them - making you look the bad guy, whatever the realities of the situation. You are emotionally vulnerable at the moment and understandably tempted, but you really don't need work problems and disapproving acquaintances on top of everything else. I think it would be better to wait (if there's really no hope for your marriage). Hope everything works out for you.

Corri you may not think that the OM has had anything to do directly with the break up of your marriage but if you have had 'strong mutual feelings' for each other then you cant have been concentrating 100% on your marriage. Do you get what i mean. I'm not too good at explaining things but I know what I want to say.

How do I come to the conclusion for what ive said - cos I was in that position 20 years ago and tried to fool myself then ... but it didnt work. It took a long time for me to realise things and eventually I did. Did it save my marriage .. no chance .. I've now been happily away from my ex for 20 yrs and he is now married to someone else. Me? I dont trust myself to go into another relationship cos i know that I will always be tempted ............ my doc always told me i could say no to anything but temptation and he was right. Temptation is always there and ive always been a weak person who gave in to impulses.

If he's right for you he'll wait. It's not as if it's for months or years, is it?

What tallwivglasses said.

Thanks everyone. Saw him this morning and he has said again he will wait. My marriage has not been right for years even before OM came on the scene so I am certain he is not the cause. It is just so hard seeing him every day, but FantasticDay, you are absolutely right and I will not let him get involved in something that is nothing to do with him and which would really harm him professionally. Just not worth the risk for him or to jeopardise my separation agreement.