totally devastated..cant eat..feeling an urge to cut :(

[Littleblue]

I had a friend..we have known each other online for a few years....I was never attracted to him until we started chatting on shared threads in facebook..very funny,we wound up eventually talking daily in skype..usually in voice for hours at a time..he's stayed at my house with my family for some week's..and vice versa..it was always kept as a 'friendship' officially but he messaged me constantly seeking contact and it went into what i can only describe as a 'relationshipless relationship'..he's telling shared friends now that he never wanted to be closer..no 'passion' on his part..he went cold on me when his latest business idea flopped..he chased me for months..i fell in love with him,and now ive blocked him...no self esteem left at all..totally devastated,im cynical with men,but this is uniquely painful..he was my friend first..and i thought we would get together properly eventually..heartsick isnt the word..."trashed'

I don't know what to do with myself..havent slept..or eaten

You need to put this in perspective. You have never met the man, you are not in love with him. You are very probably in love with the idea of him.
If you are feeling an urge to cut then please call the samaritans

I have met him..if you read the OP..and the urge is there..doesnt mean i will..havent done it in years.
I am in love with him..we spent the entire summer sharing thousands of hours together..in real life and in skype etc.

poor you, LB.

Your post is not very clear...he's told you he's not keen or you've heard on the grapevine? Either way it's a real dent to your self-esteem, more so if you've heard on the grapevine. Take it easy, but please don't hurt yourself.

Give yourself a day or so to get your balance back and then maybe email/call him and ask him to explain?

Remember, you have the right to be treated well, AND - even if you misread the signals you also HAVE THE RIGHT to be mistaken.

LittleBlue, please call the Samaritans for a chat...I am also a 'cutter' so I understand your desire to do it, but please call them first and just let it all out, and afterwards I'm sure the urge to cut will be much less.

Have you actually spoken to the man in question about what you've heard? Perhaps it'd be good to meet him for a coffee, to actually get a real picture of what's going on?

Please don't cut though darling. I'm also extremely tempted tonight due to various shit, but I won't if you won't...

There are safe ways to harm if you need to kurb that urge. Depending on why you harm not all of these will help.

Fill the sink with really cold water and keep your hands in it.

Ping an elastic band on your wrist.

Hold ice cubes.

Draw on yourself with red felt tip pen and then hold that area under a running tap (of cold water if u also need that 'bite')

I can't help with the relationship bits of your post because i don't understand it - sorry.

If you still have the urge after you have tried the safe ways you should contact SAmaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or [email protected] (takes around 4-6 hours for a reply from my experiences)