Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should exh be made aware of new dp?

6 replies

partytime · 14/11/2010 11:05

Just read the competitive moving on thread some of which posed relevant questions and I didn't want to hijack. I wondered what you thought of my situation and could advise me on what to do.

My ex left for OW just over 12 months ago, they are still together.

I have been seeing a guy for about 5 months and barring a hiccup on Friday, we are getting along really well. Although his commitment to me seems more than mine to him at this point, he says he loves me and can't imagine what it will be like to not have me in his life etc. So he's in pretty deep, whereas, even though I can say I do have feelings of love for him, I'm not sure how deep this runs.

Anyway, back to my original question. I haven't told exh about him yet, my DC's have met and like him (both away at Uni). The main reason I haven't told ex yet is that I don't want to cause problems with regard to divorce/settlement negotiations, which on occasions are bit heated.

My ex says things like if I have another man then he can look after me, why should he fund my relationships etc. I can see his point in a way, but surely his financial commitment is to me as stbex and DC, with no concern to a relationship where I have no intention of living with/marrying new partner.

So would you keep quiet and hope he never finds out, DC's are certain they aren't going to tell him?

Do you think it unfair of me to put them in that situation, eventhough they understand my reasons?

Or do you think it is the right thing to do, to make exh aware of my situation?

OP posts:
Xales · 14/11/2010 11:11

None of his business.

I don't want to cast a dampener but there is no garentee (how do I spell that!!!) that you and your new man will last even though I hope you have your happy ever after.

You ex has a duty to sort out his finances with you based on your life together, what you both put into the relationship not just in money terms either and the new man should not even factor.

HappyWithLife · 14/11/2010 11:17

Absolutely none of his business. It only has implications for him and the settlement if new dp moves in with you and/or you marry. Otherwise you are to all intents and purposes single and have no one helping you out with bills etc.

1Catherine1 · 14/11/2010 11:26

As others have said.. It is none of his business and since you aren't living together or married he can't assume that he will "look after you".

partytime · 14/11/2010 11:36

Thanks this is what I thought you would all say, I feel it is definitely none of exh business how I chose to live my life.

But sometimes I just feel dishonest, secretive, iyswim, by not letting him know, especially as DC have spent time with new DP when home from Uni.

Btw, I'm not looking for a 'happy ever after' whatever that might mean, but just enjoying having a lovely, caring man in my life, so opposite in every way to the selfish man who lied and cheated for years.

OP posts:
Xales · 14/11/2010 11:40

No offence intended.

You see so many threads in this section from women who have years with dick heads.

They all including you deserve a happy ever after as far as I am concerned.

partytime · 14/11/2010 11:55

Xales, mine was and is still proving to be a first class dickhead Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page