Am I being unreasonable to want to move?

[notpartofthelifeplan]

I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

Financially we are not in a good situation at the moment. Every month we run out of the money before pay day. It is 6 days before payday and we ran out of money 4 days ago we have enough to cover petrol to get to work but that is it. We have enough food and don't need anything but it isn't a good feeling knowing that I only have £2 in my purse and there is a direct debit that will push us over our huge overdraft, luckily we have a zero account so won't be charged any additional charges. I've got a load of crap nice things in the loft and will do a car boot in the next couple of weeks to raise money for the kids christmas presents.

It has been like this for a while now and I am sick of it. The problem is that cost of living is so high where we live. Unfortunately we can't downsize because we are only in an apartment so I think we should move to a different area. I have been researching the option of relocating and we can afford to move and solve our problems. There are towns and villages in desirable areas where property is a fraction of what it is here. We could move to a bigger house, pay off our debts and start getting our lives back on track and saving for the future. Dh was initially reluctant to move, then he agreed but now he has backtracked and is refusing to budge because he doesn't want the children to change schools.

We are lucky that we live in an expensive area and have the option of moving. I don't want the children to change schools but we can't continue like this can we? I don't know what to do, he is refusing to budge but has no other solutions. What would you do? I am tempted to just stick the flat on the market and start making plans to move but I think that we would probably split up if I take drastic action. I wouldn't be able to afford to relocate on my own with the kids and don't want to end my marriage.

What would you do?

Anyone have any ideas?

do you both work?

Yes but I'm not earning any money at the moment. Very long story but my childcare costs eat up my earnings. It won't always be this way. I'm self employed so I can live anywhere.

I would def move. How old are your dcs? they will benefit long term much more from you being financially stable.Your dh needs to see the bigger picture. I went to 3 primary schools and 2 secondarys and didn't suffer.

I think you need to sit down and have a long chat with DH. You can't make such a decision on your own - it's his life too!

Is he maybe thinking of the long term, thinking that things are going to improve?

Children are very adaptable. I live in an expat environment where children come and go and change schools regularly. They survive and cope. Usually very well. Yes they miss their friends and the familiarity but they adjust quickly.

I wouldn't just do it as then you will split up. Your DH's views are valid. He has concerns. And is possibly digging his heels in and using the schools as an excuse as he feels that he should be able to provide more?

Sit down with him and a sheet of paper and make a list of pros and cons of both scenarios.

Then suggest you go and research an area, look at some houses and some schools and get a feel for it all. Involve the children if they are old enough.

And then do the list of pros and cons again.

Actually looking at houses/schools/villages etc may make him look at things differently.

Are you in the UK?

I would definitely move, without a doubt. What are your DH's objections to moving? You need to sit down and thrash this out.
I moved away from the area where I was raised, simply because it was an expensive area to live (by the time I reached adulthood - I think my parents bought their house there for about £1000 in the 1950s though!)
That's the reality of life these days, and doesn't need to be a negative thing - in fact, moving to a new area can be life enhancing and exciting. CHildren are very adaptable and will be fine.
I think you need to suss out your DHs reasons for objecting. Is he scared of trying something new? It seems ridiculous to be stressed out and in debt when there is a simple solution

Thanks for advice everyone. Justthisone, we went through a massive economy drive a couple of years and with the exception of hairdressing (me) we have cut back to the bare minimum on everything. I don't have a car which is a bone of contention as I have to rely on a mixture of public transport/taxis to get to see clients and it would be cheaper to run a car but I can't get one at the moment.

The solution is to move. Moving would mean that we could pay off our debts, move into a nicer property, buy a car and start planning for the future. We would have a life.

Dh's only objections are schooling. He said that the thought of ds moving to a new school makes him feel sick. It doesn't make me jump for joy either but ds is a good kid he would be fine, he is only young so at this age I can help him socialise by having playdates and meeting up with other mums with children. In the long term moving would be good for the whole family because we might be able to afford holidays and days out - things that were cut back on long ago and we would have more room, you can't swing a cat where we are at the moment.

We aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment as yesterday I overhead dh discussing his home improvement plans with his dad. How the hell he thinks we will pay for his plans is beyond me and I am so angry and let down by him because last week we were discussing moving and now he obviously has decided that he definitely isn't moving. I have put the figures in black and white for him he knows how impossible things are. I told him that we would stay if he could provide a practical solution but he can't because there isn't one.

I do not know how to convince him that we can't continue like this.

My initial thought is that your DC might be happier if their parents were happier. Children survive school changes everyday for so many reasons.
Are family nearby? Are you sure the thought of moving from them isn't playing on your DH's mind. There is a lot to be said for local family support, if you have this.
What would family think? They might surprise you if you casually mentioned the idea as part of a normal to-and-fro conversation. They might think it was a good idea. From your post it sounds as if you live in an inner-city area - the oldies might decide to follow you in due course. The majority of parents do want the best quality of life possible for their children and grandchildren.
See, if I heard my DH and FIL having a conversation about home improvements in these circumstances I'd simply have said 'Well another option of course is to...' and got the whole thing out in the open.

The move would bring us closer to my family although not on their doorstep. It would mean that we would be moving quite far away from dh's family but it would mean that we would perhaps see more of them than we do now as they have lots of room so we could stay with them if we fancied a weekend in London whereas now although we are only 20 miles from them when we do see them it is only for fleeting visits.

We don't live in an inner-city but we are fairly close to London the towns I have been looking at aren't actually that differeent to where we live now but they are deep into the countryside and a lot more rural. I said to dh the other day, we live 20 mintues way from London and yet we have only been there twice in the last 5 years because we can't afford the train fare. If we moved to the countryside we would have more money to be able to do things like that.

It is a huge change and I appreciate that we will have doubts along the way and it will be a major upheaval for the children but if we stay what happens? We spend the next 10 years crossing our fingers every time we hand over our debit card and living with the bare minimum?

I think I am going to arrange a few visits to the towns I am looking at over the Christmas break and give dh a deadline of the new year to make up his mind.