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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domestic violence??

7 replies

anon5 · 12/11/2010 19:10

hi. not posted here before but im after advice. i been with my partner 5 years. relationship has been generally okay. lately we argue quite a bit and hes started to get very angry towards me. previously hes pushed me out the way, grabbed my arm etc nothing really bad. today he was in my face annoying me (which he does alot, thinking hes being funny) and i told him to stop and leave me alone, i was tired and wasnt in the mood for games. he didnt listen and i kept asking him to stop. i tried to push him away with my hand but he wouldnt move, i kept asking and asking and still he wouldnt go away so i pulled at his chesthair (i know he hates this as i always tease him when we are playing around about it, and was sure it would get him to back off) but he retaliated and threw something across the room and yanked at my hair really hard. i was in complete shock and know that i provoked him but should i put up with this? i just walkde away and havnt spoken to him since and im feeling pretty low about it :(

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 12/11/2010 19:13

No you should not put up with it :( What a wanker. Call women's aid for support or advice. xxx

feistychickfightingthebull · 12/11/2010 19:23

Yes that is definitely DV and he provoked YOU, not the other way round

feistychickfightingthebull · 12/11/2010 19:23

Yes that is definitely DV and he provoked YOU, not the other way round

GoodbyePinotGrigio · 12/11/2010 19:31

I agree with the others. He was definitely provoking you into becoming physical so it could then excuse his violent reaction. I've had a man do this to me before. Be wary, domestic violence can start at anytime in a relationship, often when the woman appears to be going through a vulnerable time. Once the violence starts it often continues unless you can quickly get inside his head and find out what's going on. Domestic violence often boils down to just 2 things; a man's deep rooted sense of inadequacy or a sadistic trait. Good luck.

blackeyedsusan · 13/11/2010 00:23

yes it is. is there any way you could have walked away without pulling his hair or did he block you in completely? it is safer if you can manage to walk away, for you.

speak to womens aid if you can. 0808 2000 247 or www.womensaid.org.uk sorry can't do the link thing.

please please get some help, i am sorry to say that these things often escalate.

SparklingExplosionGoldBrass · 13/11/2010 01:40

He's now decided it's OK to hit you. He was working towards this before (pushing and grabbing and 'nothing really bad'). It's not going to get any better. Talk to Women's Aid and a solicitor, and (depending on your housing situation, whether you are married and whether you have DC with him) either throw him out or move out. FWIW if you have DC with him and he is violent, you can get him kicked out of the house and forbidden to return because the courts regard the family home as the DCs' home and prioritize their right to not have to share their home with a violent person.

Anabellesmumanddad · 13/11/2010 07:12

This is definitely bad bad bad. He assaulted you and this won't be an isolated incident and it won't 'get better' only worse.

please seek legal advice regarding restraining orders and get away from this person. This is only the beginning

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