Would this get your paranoia juices flowing?

[NotThatParanoid]

DP - history of lying, sneaky behaviour, complete dishonesty about big and little things. Often continuining to lie when presented with evidence against him - You get the picture.

So the other night, he's in the bath and obviously forgot to take his phone in with him (like he normally does). It goes off whilst he's in the bath. I have a quick look without actually reading the texts and see two messages from his ex wife. I can only read the first line without actually opening the texts.

1st one - a sentance speaking about picking up their daughter at the weekend. Fair enough

2nd one - first line says "Oh btw, I forgot to mention ... " Couldn't read the rest.

So DP gets out of the bath, checks his phone, mentions the football scores. I said "anything else?" and he says "no ... oh well there's a text from ** about picking dd up at weekend". I said "oh, did she mention anything else?" and he said "no".

Outright lie. Why would he lie? I've since noticed that both texts have been deleted off his phone. Why?

Well I don't think I'd feel paraniod about it . I'd assume the first text was something like "are you still picking up x at the weekend?" and that the second one was along the lines of " oh btw I forgot to mention ... it needs to be a bit later because she is at a sleepover/ in a sports match/etc" type after thought.
I delete all messages off my phone pretty quickly to stop the in box filling up.

if that was the only example then I'd think you were paranoid but you say there's a history of reasons to be on alert.

To be honest it seems normal text to me apart from the phone taking into the bathroom all the time, you checking it at any opportunity and then quizzing him on what texts he gets and then upset when you don't get the answer you want. It's not healthy this is it?

No but he left all other texts on there, the football scores, the texts from me, texts from his friend - he left them all on other than these two and if it was something about "forgot to mention, pick her up later" he would've said.

It just doesn't seem right. Its like the other night he was showing me another text from someone and I tried to take the phone off him so I could read it and he wouldn't let go of it and started to visibly panic!

I don't think there is anything "sinister" going on between them but I do think it could be something like what has happened in the past - either he has lent her money without telling me or she has lent him money without me knowing or something else like that. Either way, why the secrecy all the time?

Those text messages wouldn't get me too worried but the fact that he was in a bit of a panic when you tried to hold his phone would be.

He wouldn't mention something like aan Oh by the way pick her up 10 mins later.... That's a nothing thing. It's a teenyweeny change, not a Oh by the way I am emigrating next month or Oh by the way you can't see the kids again....

Sounds like a miserable relationship all this pondering and making conclusions. You need to talk to sort this.

As others say it's not so much the actual text, it's the fact that he doesn't want you seeing the phone.

Exactly, its not the texts that are bothering me, its the fact that he deleted them (and just them, leaving the rest of his inbox intact) and the way he's so touchy over the phone.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

It wouldn't raise issues with me no as I am always sending/getting text like that.

The and somehthing else could have been so bland it just didn't register as a seperate issue ifyswim.

If there is such major trust issues due to past problems I do think you should rethink the relationship.

Taking a mobile into the bathroom is not normal IMO.

OMG I always take my mobile into the bath room Iphone 4 it's the only time I get to sit and read the news, or emails, surf mumsnet, etc, etc in peace sometimes whilst I am relaxing in the bath.

I know Dh does the same. As far as I am aware he is not having an affair, I know I am not.

I think for him his I phone is the equivalent of a stack of car magazines in the downstairs loo.

Should I be stalking his phone that is a serious question. I always read on here phone + bathroom = affair.

Why are you with him if you don't trust him?

I would assume that the second message was something to do with their daughter, so not necessarily anything you need to know about.

I cannot understand why you would be with someone who you know has lied to you though. How can you possibly have any respect for him?

I doubt it's a problem in the circumstances you describe, emmyloulou. It's not reading the phone in the bathroom that's the problem, it's going to the bathroom in order to read the phone, especially if he always used to leave it lying around and suddenly doesn't. Like if someone has a second phone which is always in their pocket on silent; it can be a very suspicious sign, or mean nothing at all, depending on context. As you say, a person has to have something to read, and why not have the whole internet at your fingertips instead of one Readers Digest!