friend??

[packup]

Can you call a person a friend (A)if they never make any attempt to come and see you and (B) they never phone or text you?

Feeling totally confused about friendships and who my true friends are!

Any advice

Not sure of your situation but in my case I have friends that I don't see for months or speak to because of life being so busy (with kids ect) but when we do see or speak to each other its like we have never been apart
hope this helps

I think friendships, like relationships need a bit of love and care, (and attention) or they fade away. I've got some friends I formed a bond with when I was temping and we get together every now and then, have a great catch up and then go back to our lives.

My definition of a good friend, is one you could call at 3am, desperate and they would listen. And would hold your hair out of your face while you're being sick. And you would return the favour.

With your friends, firstly when you do see them do you have such a great time that you're not bothered about the fact it's always you who does the running? Or is there a little knot of resentment building inside you? If so, it might be worth saying something about them taking the initiative phoning/texting you sometime.

It doesn't sound like they are toxic or undermining, just a bit lazy. If you've got a friend though who always expects you to be A Big Ear but is somehow never around when you need a sympathetic ear - might be time to find another friend.

I had my heart broken by a friend I've known for years. Basically she was angry I'd 'jumped out of my box' as the friend who she could compare her life to - I suddenly had a bit of career success and she began making these little undermining remarks which I ignored or dismissed. I had to end the friendship - it's amazing how much it hurt. And still does.

I have a flaky friend and when we do see each other or when she rings me we talk and laugh for hours. Yet, I can ring her or text her and she doesnt bother replying. She also gets excited about having a night out and yet 9 times out of 10 cancels me. Its a real shame because we dont argue ever but I feel like Im chasing her sometimes so, I do know where you are coming from.

i have friends that I dont see from one year to the next but we pick up where we left off. The difference is we dont ignore each others messages, even if they are few and far between, we always reply to each other. I think of them as true friends though because i know that if I needed them whatever the time they would be there for me and vice versa.

Do you see this friend much?

OP - I have a few friends like this. I don't hear from them for months on end, then get a random text asking how DS and I are.

We'd arrange to meet then they'd text to cancel, or just not get back to me to confirm date/time.

Flaky friends is a good term to describe them. :(

and they are the first to ring when they have a drama going on in their lives. Its a shame we dont all treat each other the same.