Childhood abuse - seeing psychiatrist - help!

[gretagarbo]

I have been coming to terms with the fact that my life-long depression and various other issues are most probably the result of childhood abuse. Both my parents were abusers. I have MN (and the people courageous enough to talk about their own experiences) to thank for this insight; I've always known there was something "wrong" with me, but never thought I could pin it on my childhood experiences.

I had a breakdown (pnd?) after my first DC and saw a psychiatrist and subsequently a psychotherapist . This was before I realised that my childhood was the real source of my problems. I ended up talking about things that weren't really the underlying issues, rather about the manifestation of those issues in my day to day life. The upshot was that I didn't get any real help, probably because I didn't know what I needed help for. A lot of time and money was wasted and I ended up feeling worse and really stupid for not just pulling myself together.

Anyway, 2 years later and post DC2, it's all come down on me like a tonne of bricks again, but this time I can see the provenance of my grief/sadness/anger etc. I'm due to get counselling but have to go to a psychiatrist first. I don't want to mess up again and end up being sent for the wrong therapy. But at the same time, I don't know where to start, my childhood is a labyrinth of many, many abuses, some subtle, some not so. Taken as a whole, a stranger might come to understand, but if I plucked out half a dozen "episodes" as examples, I'm sure I would sound like a drama queen/over-sensitive idiot. What do I say to the psychiatrist to convince him, given that I'll only have one or two hours at the most to talk? I was thinking of preparing some notes in case I find it hard to speak (I get emotional talking about it), but will that be too rehearsed and come across as false?

If anyone out there has any pointers how to approach this, they would be gratefully received. Thank you.

Another question, am I allowed to ask the pysch for a referral for the type of therapy I think I need (inner child or something to deal with childhood abuse issues), or am I supposed to be deferential to his professional opinion?

Am I over-thinking this?!

If you've done some research into different types of therapy and have an idea of what might be the best fit for you and your circumstances, then I definitely think you should take that to your consultation with the psychiatrist. I don't think it'll be a case of you telling him what you want or him ordering you to have a particular kind of therapy: I think (I'd hope!) it would be a discussion with both of you contributing.

I think that taking some notes along is actually a very good idea and I'm sure most psychiatrists have seen loads of patients do it! I do see your point about worrying that you might look like a drama queen; if you're worried that you might not be believed, could you maybe just give him/her two or three illustrative examples which are representative of the kind of experiences you had, but not necessarily the most traumatic?

Good luck with it, and I hope you get a good psychiatrist. Mine is amazing, and he's not only saved my life, he's made it worth living

Thanks for taking the time to reply, Fairycake. I'll try to do some notes. When I think about it, it just sounds so lame, I just worry I won't be taken seriously.

Tell her/him that. That you worry that you won't be taken seriously because it might sound lame and that you're a drama queen. That alone is very telling.

Good luck, I had similar experiences and sometimes you need therapy at the right time. Tell the psych about why/what etc happened with your PND and why it didn't really help.

Queen and Fairycake thanks for your help and good wishes. The same back to you, I'm glad you've found help and are healing, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

Had a rough night. Have gone from feeling vaguely positive/rational to utter misery about embarking on the counselling. I tried writing things down, but got really upset. Wanted to go to this appointment calm and coherent, not sure that's going to happen. There just never seems to be time to process all of this stuff, I'm lucky if I get half an hour to myself a day just to have some headspace. How on earth to people find the time to do this? It feels like I need a lifetime. I've actually been fantasising about being sectioned just so I can get away from all the day to day stuff and kids/husband who just won't/can't understand I need my own space and time. Pretty sick thoughts. Pathetically, talking on here - mostly to myself - is my only outlet, and that's at the cost of playing with my toddler and baby, which is what I should do now, turn off the TV and stop ruining their lives too.

have you looked on the statley homes thread?

I have started to see a phycholgist, finally got a gp referral, was in a right state over abuse from exh and court cases he started in civil court.... long story.... I paid private counsellors, and like yourself I could not during the time make sense of why I was seeing them and I did not get anywhere so stopped, it was a waste of money, time and was not helping me at all! I did not realise the ex was abusive until nearly a year after he left, and it was csu at the police who told me the whole marriage had been abusive!!

I then thankfully found someone who was usefull, via wa... she was again private and she dealt with abuse from ex and boundaries etc... well I had a few months with her and after I finished something changed in me, I started looking around at eveyone around me, and it all started to make sense it was not just the ex, it was most of the relationships I had that were contolling, manipulative and abusive, that was a year ago last month... I started to see a psychologist just before the summer holidays, I had quite a few months of assessment, where i just said what I felt was on my mind, eventually after the holidays threapy started, it has mostly been lead by psychologist, however this week I spoke about something that was upsetting me, I feel i am turning a corner with it now, I have no idea what therapy is being used, I suspect it is cbt... I read a lot of transactional analysis, especially the games people play by Eric berne which I find so very helpfull before I stated to see the psycholgoist...

I wish you well x x x

MH, thanks so much for your post. I recognise you from stately homes, in fact it was reading that thread that made me realise what was "wrong" with me. I lurk there, rather than post, so much of what people recount there resonates with my own experience, I feel like I'd be typing forever if I ever started. Perhaps I will once I get time and the therapy starts. Thanks to you for sharing your experiences, I do hope the therapy helps you to kick these toxic people out of your life.

I saw the psych, it was hard going, but he was kind, and I didn't feel judged or that he was silently ridiculing me. It's a start.

Thanks again to everyone who replied to my post, it's nice that people care.

I had cbt and it really helped, there was plenty of times during it I thought it wasn't helping at all, but in the end up it was a useful tool to help me to deal with how I think of things now. At times I thought it was patronising etc, but it learned me that you can't change the past, but you can learn it was absolutely nothing to do with you as a person and it was to do with their issues and help you deal with things now.