Fed up of being a doormat.

[suiledonne]

Just had another of DH's cowardly texts where he tells me something he knows I won't like. This time he has agreed to work Saturday even though it is dd2's birthday and he already promised to help me out getting organised. I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal but it is just another in a long line of similar.

He always does this. He works in a job where he can't talk on the phone during the day so drops a bombshell by text on his break and back to phone off. By the time he gets home my anger has subsided and I am too tired to argue. It's a crap way to handle a relationship.

It seems these days I am always disappointed. Everything else comes first with him.

He works hard to provide for us but he doesn't seem to get that there is more to being a husband and parent than that.

I am always left holding the fort with very little free time to myself or for us as a couple.

It is wearing me out.

I don't think I can help but want to send my best wishes.

Thanks lenny. I am having the worst day. The weather is awful so haven't got out today and I have terrible PMT!

I know I have to sort these issues out as I am close to breaking but I have no idea where to start.

Tell him NO way is he working. Put your foot down firmly.

It's his DD's birthday and she only gets one a year. How will she feel when her dad prefers to work than spend the day wt5h her.

He needs to sort out his priorities. His DD should be more importnat and there are 52 Saturdays in a year.

Either he stays for the birthday as he promised first to do or it's cancelled.
This will only work if dd is only a baby.
Don't know how 'big' your plans are, but is there anyone else who could play dad for you, brother, father,?

He is being completely unfair.

Have you replied to his text all angrily? If I were you, I'd completely surprise him. Be absolutely fine about it, and say nothing more. All your moaning just makes him feel vitally important in every way.

Be bright and breezy, and rope in someone else to help you and have a whale of a time. That will take the wind out of his selfish sails, the big arse.

And this, "He works in a job where he can't talk on the phone during the day" is just rubbish, isn't it? Why can't he call you from his mobile on his lunch hour?

"By the time he gets home my anger has subsided and I am too tired to argue"

Does this mean you go quite martyrish? All, "No, it's fiiine" with a deep sigh? All slump-shouldered and resigned?

If so, stop that! Be cheerful and upbeat. Whistle a lot, if you can. Happy, busy, cheerful... These will absolutely floor him and make him wonder why you're not devastated. He will start thinking about you more. He will wonder why you're happy: didn't he just tell you that He, God, the Most Necessary Man Ever Created in the History of Men, wouldn't be helping you with the party? Why do you not seem to mind? Surely his help is essential?

If you're all totally fine about it (but not sigh-y fine, really genuinely fine) he will feel really put out. He will start trying to make you realise how much you need him. "But who will pin the balloons to the ceiling?" he will ask you. You'll reply, "Oh, I'll get [sexy male Dad friend] to do that. He's taller than you."

He will then start wanting to be there to help.

Change the dynamic!