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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

should I have kept my nose out?

8 replies

kittya · 11/11/2010 12:27

My friend has an ex who was as nice as pie most of the time but had his dark, controlling moments. This is why she split from him. Last Thursday she rang him late (she hadnt been in touch with him for weeks) and he was in a very bad way said he had been planning his exit for weeks and that he had taken 35 tablets. She rang me and woke me up, she didnt know what to do and couldnt remember his address. I couldnt ignore it, could I? I had his friends (my exes, and not a nice one) phone number. I text and asked him to go around to this mans house as he was in a bad way.

I never heard anything from either of the blokes again and both me and my friend wondered if we had done the right thing? was I interfering? I know its stupid but i thought someone might have text the next day to say thanks, everythings ok. They never though.

Now my poor friend, has this guy ringing her at all hours telling her thanks, she saved his life!! and she doesnt know how to deal with it!!

How do you know whether these situations are genuine or not? as far as Im aware he's been out with his boyfriends drinking all week, said he never realised he had so many friends. I dont think drinking is the answer though.

I feel ive got my friend involved with something she could do without tbh. Hes clearly not going to get professional help.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 11/11/2010 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittya · 11/11/2010 12:42

that is the bit I didnt get to be honest. She said she had a "feeling" something was up and rang him. Its not my business though.

Dont you think its a bit drastic getting lawyers involved?

OP posts:
Bast · 11/11/2010 12:44

If it happens again, she can call the police and they will carry out a welfare check on him.

This will also create a record of his harassment of her, which this is.

She needs to block him and creating a record of her telling him not to contact her again is imperative - a text will suffice.

While he has her to feed from he will keep going in the same circles and dragging her with him.

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/11/2010 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittya · 11/11/2010 12:56

I think shes just been too soft with him tbh.

I think he needs serious help and shes not the person to deal with it. Nor are his mates who think the answer is in the bottom of a glass.

I reckon changing her phone number will suffice.

She genuinely thought he was in the middle of doing it thats why she called me. Its only on reflection that Im not so sure. I couldnt have just left it though.

OP posts:
forevervacuuming · 11/11/2010 14:48

You did the right thing but of course he won't seek professional help while he has her to catch him. She needs to do as SGM has advised, and quickly.

kittya · 11/11/2010 16:43

I think she would say that he's not harrassing her just annoying her. She will probably start to feel sorry for him soon.
There are no threats involved.

I will speak to her tonight.

OP posts:
kittya · 11/11/2010 20:57

she said he's not been aggressive or anything, just abit sad but he is cheered to know that so many people care for him.

I told her to tread carefully. She has been turning her phone off on a night.

I dont think anything else will come of it. I hope!

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