Would you point out to your best friend that she's entirely forgotten your birthday this year?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

This is a friend who spends every birthday upset that none of her friends make a sufficient fuss of her. I accept that her feelings come from a background of real neglect, and she's careful never to make it personal to me... but at the same time, she is almost 30.

And now she's forgotten my birthday. Unlike her, I'm not hugely bothered about celebrating and I know that no friendship is fully equal in every regard, but a card would have been nice.

Should I send her a lighthearted email gently pointing it out? Or just get over it?

Do you really need to ask?

I'd wait for her birthday and when she gets out the blues guitar point it out then!

But its not the same. She has a genuine reason to be sensitive about it if she ahs a family history of neglect and if you are a friend you are kind towards their weaknesses and insecurities. If you don't and are not bothered about birthdays, its weird to just make a point of reminding someone.

Actually, I think it would be instructive to remind her. Because it's illustrating that anyone can forget a bithday, and it doesn't mean people don't love her, just that they're human.

Really, I can see it both ways. Yes, I honestly and do sincerely care. I invite her to stay for her birthday whenever I can, though some years I've been working nights/overwhelmed by family staying at the same time. But on the other hand, she knows she need to learn that adult birthdays are never given the same fanfare as child ones, and that her unexpectations as so unrealistic as to produce inevitable disappointment. So at the same time, I don't want to mollycoddle her, and I know she wouldn't want me to either...

That's a very good point...

Maybe she has a lot going on and you could say something like 'Are you ok because you forgot my birthday and that's not like you?'. Then you come across as caring rather than card chasing