No longer together

[northseadad]

As you can see from my name im a guy, hope no one minds me posting on a mums site!
Me and my Ex were together for almost 4 years we have two children together. We split up a couple of months ago, and she's already seeing someone new. It breaks my heart, im hoping its just a rebound as i see no future for them but i would love to get her back.
I work offshore 2/2 and take my kids for a week of my time at home, i wouldnt have them any less. It hurts like mad to see that she has moved on so quickly.
There has never been anything bad happen between us.
How long does it take to get over someone or is there any chance that she'll ever come back.

Why did you break up?

She said she no longer loved me and wanted to be alone and do what ever she wanted, she said she wanted to be single (yet seeing the first guy that spoke to her since we broke up)think she might only be seeing him as she has no money and nothing better to do, lonley at nights, she hated living off of me, i always saw it as our money, i asked her if i could bye something and vice versa, i always came last kids her then me.. We did have some money problems mostly because we wasted our money, as im on a really good wage and money should not have been a problem but it was. She never trusted me even tho she had access to all my bank phone etc and knew where i was at all times. The thought of cheating has never even crossed my mind.
I miss her so much, the two weeks when i was home i made her breki in bed and cooked every meal (prob treated her to well) I try to be the best father that i can, i love my children to bits.
I always feel like giving her more money but its hard because i know it would only make her life easier, that too is also hard as i hate seeing her suffering, the kids will never do with out tho.

Hi northseadad

Welcome to Mumsnet. Sorry to hear your plight. I think you need to play the long game here.

It sounds as though your DP didn't cope at all well with your shift work, and probably had the new man lined up before you split up or was even having an affair while you were offshore (which would explain her lack of trust, she was projecting her guilt onto you).

As she has broken things off with you and is now loved up with someone else all you can do is continue to be a loving dad to your kids, address some of the issues eg money problems and not act like a doormat.

When the gloss wears off her new shiny relationship and she compares new man to her kids dad then your behaving with dignity and kindness will do you nothing but good.

By then you may have realised you are worth more than second best. You sound generous and loving and although we only have your version of things you probably deserve better.

Good luck

She said she no longer loved me and wanted to be alone and do what ever she wanted, she said she wanted to be single

Sorry RealityBomb but if that was a wife posting about her husbands reasons for leaving we would all be saying "check his phone bill" and "look for the OW".

Why else would she end a relationship to struggle financially as a single parent? Unless the OP is actually not the loving kind man he claims?

Sounds like a really hard situation. I don't really have advice other than to say that I would keep being the best dad to those kids. If she has brought in a new dude so quickly then that might be stressful on the kids, if things don't last. I'm really sorry for your pain.

I know for a fact she was not seeing anyone else!
We wasted our money on take aways, food and god knows what else! Money wasn't wasted on drink or anything like that!
I give her money and have been giving her extra off my own back.
Her and her new guy aint serious yet, dont know whats gonna happen there.
My main goal in life is to be the best dad that i can, as my own dad was a d*ck and dont want my kids to end up thinking that of me.

Well, you can do your best to be a good dad and a good co-parent, but if she doesn't love you then you just have to accept that. It is hard and upsetting to love someone who doesn't reciprocate, but there is nothing you can do about it and it's not actually very ethical to try and make someone love you. In time, it will hurt less and you may well meet someone else who you will love and who will love you in return.