Wanker Wanker Wanker <D>P

[PaulineFouler]

Living with him is impossible.
It is like he can use the excuse "I am not a morning person" to do and say the most outrageous stuff.
This morning he has called me a cunt numerous times and when giving ds his dinner money he said "enjoy it I haven't got any" .
I did tell him what a wanker he was to put a guilt trip on a 13 year old but he just shouted a bit more.
The reason behind the money comment is because he is doing overtime atm which is a blessing as we are not exactly struggling but we are trying to save for Christmas and other stuff.
His overtime is roughly 60.00 a week he has been spending 10.00 a day which adds up to 60.00 a week so seems pointless.
I asked him to take sandwiches (fridge and tea making stuff are at his work) we have loads of nice stuff in to make a packed lunch and I do resent spending a lot on food a week for him to blow another 60.00 on crap and now he is pissed off about it.
He also comes home at night and spends money on his cigarettes and drinks about 5 cans of coke a day.
I order 18 cans a week on the home shopping and they are all gone by Tuesday and he is constantly buying them.

I am so pissed off he is so irrational and stupid in a morning I really don't want him home tonight as I can't face tomorrow morning
and he is going to be pissed off because he is going to football match tonight and now DS does not want to go with him and I can't say I blame him.

I just want out TBH.

no excuses for lack of respect to people in his household
but
he is overtired and relying on stimulants and is caffeine addicted which ain't helping him to
seriously get a grip. probably helping trigger his morning strop
tell him to sort himself out

If he is spending all his overtime money on treats for himself, then he's not exactly contributing extra to the household, is he? certainly not enough to justify grumpiness and bad behaviour.
Is he DS' dad or just another cocklodger? It's probably a good idea to talk to CAB about benefits, crisis loan etc and also WRT to the house, whose name it's in and whether you can throw him out or whether you need to move.

I have told him that all the sugar is crap for him.
On top of this he will eat chocolate and an energy drink he also takes proplus a lot .
The only decent meal he eats is the one I cook at night.
He dosen't help himself.

merry berry - I disagree, I live on nicotine and caffeine (if it's not a mug of coffee I have in front of me it's a bottle of Dr Pepper) and I have insomina, and am permanently exhausted (2 1/2hrs last night - similar amount the night before). (and no cutting out the caffeine doesn't help it I tried that and was a baaaaaaad idea - it's usually mug of coffee and a fag that get me off to sleep in the end actually)

Yes I feel extremely tired and irritable but that doesn't mean I have to show it and neither does he

Sparkling he is DS Dad we have been together 14 years.

But I think I agree with the caffeine overdosing here.

The caffeine is an addiction he could not go a day without a coke.

You are understandably very angry, OP. But you are also using bad language too (and so are other posters :)). Personally (call me a prude) I don't think it's right to use swear words at home at all, especially in front of dc.

The mornings sound terrible. Is is possible for you to stay in bed until he's gone to work? He must leave early if he works such long hours. He obviously feels resentful at the huge physical effort he has to make to maintain his family. If there is no big financial difference anyway, why not suggest that he give up the overtime?

He starts work at 10am and finishes at 5pm.
I get up at 6am to get my dc sorted for school.
I am using bad language on here as we are all grown up's but I haven't called him a cunt and I haven't made my 13 year old feel bad for wanting dinnermoney.
He does work hard but so do I and why should I be made to feel bad in my own home?
His hours change at this time of year he has no say if he can do the overtime or not ---well he can refuse it but it will not go down well.

I told him he was a wanker after ds had left for school.

I did tell him he was being ridiculous in front of ds though as I felt ds needed to know I didn't agree with the comment his father made.

MaMo sorry you feel like shite
again, i say no excuses.
but tiredness and caffeine prob one of reasons for unacceptable behaviour.
dealing with that therefore a shortcut way to dealing with awful behaviour, and if it doesn't then reveals actual wankerdom status.

here's an extreme cautionary tale from when i was a psych nurse 20 years ago. we had a woman sectioned into us for assessment with the worst so far of her recurrent psychotic episodes. she had them every month. her key nurse worked out it was her 7 coffees + 1.5 x2 litres of coke per day PLUS her monthly caffeine containing mestrual cramp relieving pain killers that were tripping her over.

she stayed in voluntarily for 3 whole weeks (!) and did a caffeine detox, which had the intensity, if not the duration, of the alcohol/class A detoxes we supervised. she revealed a reasonably anxious personality once she was clean, and thought that she got addicted to caffeine as her worrying kept her awake, she needed perking up, etc, hence caffeine addiction cycle.

That sounds awful. Totally unacceptable.

But, I think the other posters who cite caffeine addiction/ poisoning are right.

If he goes to the Doctors and gets a grip on himself can you support him by making his packed lunch for a while and making sure he drinks more water? Just to get him over the hump of giving up cola. Then we he has rejoined the civilised world (!) he can sort himself out.

It sounds a bit soft to be babying him with monitoring his diet but I have to with my DP. If I didn't offer him water and organise his diet he would live on coffee, red wine, sweets and peanuts. Apart from this he is a star so I figure its a small price to pay to keep him around a few more years!

Your husband has to take control of himself though, you can't do it all.

No wonder he feels fucking shit in the mornings - 5 cans of Coke a day, plus "energy drinks" and then some ProPlus thrown in on top! I agree with all the others who have suggested a caffeine problem. He needs to decide what's more important: Red Bull or his family. Twat.

10am to 5pm?? Sorry, but thats hardly terribly hard work unless you have a 3 hour commute both ways or something.

No excuse for calling you names. Especially not in front of your DS. Sounds like he has a problem with caffeine, he needs to sort it out asap. Are there other issues OP? I know being called a c*nt isn't nice it can't be the only reason you want to give up on a 14 year relationship with a man who after 10am is actually quite nice!

I am scared to live with him if he stops the caffeine he will be a nightmare 24/7.

I feel shit there is no way to solve it he has always been like this I can't see a way out.

A poster further up asked if I called him names I would be lying if I said I don't bite sometimes because I do but most of the time I ignore,ignore,ignore.
I am no worried that because I don't react he snapped at ds to get a reaction from me .

I've fucked up in a big way with this the more I think about the more I realise I am stuck with him.

But Toast I can't do the mornings anymore.

I don't want my ds going to school unhappy and my baby growing up thinking it is normal.

I have been thinking about it and he stores things up for his little rants like moaning about housework or telling me I can't cope and totally irrational things like the neighbours hate me and I stop him doing stuff

It sounds horrible and I do feel sorry for you. What is your relationship like for the rest of the day? Is there a time that you and he can sit down and have a very honest and open talk? Does he want the relationship to work? Is he willing to sort out his problems?

The most important thing is creating a happy homelife for your son, with or without your other half.

IMVHO he is also suffering sugar withdrawal every morning (as well as caffeine withdrawal.) His blood sugar must be all over the place. From what you've said he won't accept he's got a problem. Shame you can't fit a drip of pure glucose to his arm while he's asleep so he's had a sugar fix before he starts the day....

For what it's worth he does sound like a wanker.

Have a look at this article

Ok, it sounds like he has a caffeine problem but he'd be a sexist wanker without it, if he is constantly belittling and bullying you and resistant to change. Always remember (everyone) that when you dump a partner for unacceptable behaviour, that it's his fault, if he was asked to change and didn't. And behaviour that means everyone else in the house is constantly tiptoeing round his moods and placating him is unacceptable. Families which revolve around one person's moods are not functional.

Nobjockey (just for a bit of variety)

blimey - sounds like an arse frankly.

I wouldn't tolerate being called a cunt by the father of my child. It would be totally disrespectful to me on so many levels. It also sends a skewed message to your children about what relationships are about.

In fact I wouldn't tolerate being called a cunt by anybody.

Funny how he can behave when it is time for work.

If my husband called me a c*nt he would lose his teeth and then his wife.

You have a son on the brink of adulthood, and this man is his example. You need to give this man a wake up call, or a packed bag IMHO.

Good luck.

What do you get out of this so called relationship?.

Why are you letting this idiot live with you. Its your child I feel for the most in all this; both adults around him are setting a poor example.